parallel universe

chapter 590: memories

2009-12-21T17:56:00.015+08:00

here's an early MERRY XMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR! :D

365 Days of Technicolor (highlights of 09):

4e :D
awesome friends, laopo and teachers!
molting the onion rings
air-con classroom
pulau semakau(love it there!)
being late for the first time in my secondary sch life and not to forget the many more that came
horrible term 1 results
failing geog (i'm so sorry mr chan)
but eventually good grades(to me) that didnt make the cut for the $400 :X
good progress award :D
being benchwarmer for the first time(make it the last too) :'(
A girls! :)
NUSGC! :)
nigahiga videos HAHAHA CHING CHING!! & goodbye forever. -do the brother!-hand-sign-
fated to love you! ^^
moving sch
new principal :O
soon-to-be new teachers
soon-to-be new class :X
finally letting go of a person from the past(haha sounds like some time machine adventure)
one of the greatest birthdays yet(come to think of it, every year since sec 1 had been an awfully sweet surprise)
new specs and laptop and handphone
stupid act 1 - spoiling my own sim card
stupid act 2 - killing an animal in the oven with my eldest bro... hint: it starts with a L
learning to cycle and skate (my shifus: kathy and yongen!)
greenwave~ hahahahaha we rock so much more than the other group
OP assessment and some phy lessons with... hint: it also starts with a L
4e chalet :D
learning mahjong(my shifu: kathy again!, my greatest gambling partner: yongen!)
o levels hcl -prays-

even though the year have not ended properly, and it's only 355 days of technicolor, i'd rather end early than wait for the end. despite having more downs this year, the ups and the 'revival' from the downs made everything more meaningful. overall, it's an awesome year. it's goodbye forever(nigahiga!) to here. :')

-The End-

can you sense my dread?

2009-12-21T13:53:00.004+08:00

hi i'm interested in giving up my neopets account and hopefully stop playing... and restarting/reviving/re-creating accounts everytime to fill up time. haiya actually i can just approach huishan directly. hoho i made 1 million np these hols. hehehe, done it with the help of my prev account, which i forgot the username and password. well, that's something i planned to achieve this hols and i've done it. :)

other than that, my mind is at peace hehe. lol cos there's nth else to do. i think i'm becoming or alr am a female otaku too. went out for a while just now and the moment i stepped out of the block i'm like, omg so bright~. actually today's weather is pretty good, not much sun and lots of wind. hahaha i like the feeling of the wind blowing right into my face. 1, the hair blows back and my face is free from hair. 2, i will imagine myself shooting some magazine cover lololololol.

there's something i'm dreading though. so much that i even dreamt of it last night. somehow, it feels like a nightmare. :/ btw, i'm guessing the class allocations will be out on xmas/xmas eve/the day after xmas. just guessing hahaha. if i'm right, i will have another career option hehe.

alright i shall go do something meaningful now, and discover what that shld be first.

horoscope for 2010 (aquarius):

This is a transitional year for you, one that allows you to break through the stifling limitations that have continued to restrain your personal growth. The dance between your past and your future reaches a turning point when traditional Saturn opposes progressive Uranus to complete a stressful process that began on November 4, 2008. This long-term cycle between your two key planets is exceptionally significant because it accentuates your paradoxical attraction to absolute truth -- and need to rebel against it. You've probably become quite adept at releasing suppressed tensions to free yourself from the same structures in your life you initially helped create. But as this opposition repeated on February 5, 2009 and September 15, 2009, the rules that once brought security became increasingly intolerable. Your restlessness is irrepressible now. Something has to give. On April 26, these two planets of freedom and responsibility oppose each other for the fourth time in your financial 2nd House of Personal Resources and 8th House of Shared Resources, rekindling familiar frustrations about money. And although unpredictable Uranus in your 2nd house does suggest fiscal instability, your own self-esteem is your greatest asset -- and that, too, may see some ups and downs. Meanwhile, restrictive Saturn in your 8th house indicates that others could add to your financial burdens or impose constraints on your spending.

Both of your ruling planets shift houses this year. Saturn spends time in equitable Libra in your 9th House of Big Ideas, requiring you to rein in grandiose plans and unrealistic thinking. Uranus, meanwhile, enters spontaneous Aries and your 3rd House of Communication to bring surprising changes to your immediate environment, shaking up many day-to-day activities that have become habitual. The fifth and final Saturn-Uranus opposition on July 26 falls across your mental 3rd and 9th houses, shifting the old-versus-new dilemma from material concerns to conceptual conflict. Your struggle now -- the culmination of a long journey -- is about letting go of outmoded patterns of thought to make room for an entirely different vision of your future.

Opportunistic Jupiter steps into this cosmic tug-of-war by opening previously closed doors when it conjuncts amazing Uranus on June 8, September 18 and January 4, 2011. Still, you can't just blindly barge ahead, for Jupiter is opposed by karmic Saturn on May 23, August 16 and March 28, 2011, to slow you down -- continuing recent themes by forcing you to manage your growth so you don't lose what you've already gained. However, your greatest challenge through all this comes from a gradual spiritual transformation as evolutionary Pluto in your 12th House of Destiny forms intense squares with Saturn's opposition to Jupiter and Uranus. You're being invited to a shamanic journey into the mysteries of life, and you cannot refuse the offer. Additionally, eclipses in your 12th house on January 15 and June 26 can raise the stakes, suggesting that you embark on a metaphysical quest to find the answers to your real-world problems. Rather than simply seeking practical solutions, your underlying task is to integrate your everyday life with your soul's true purpose.

like old letters

2009-12-20T18:04:00.007+08:00

i wanted to change the cbox colour but didnt in the end cos i wasnt sure which cbox account is the current one in my email and it'd be weird to show messages from so long ago. but surprise surprise, i stumbled upon quite a few old messages from abt 2 years ago and hahaha i can't stop smiling to myself as i read them.

i miss those times when we talk abt anything because there's so many things we can talk abt. even if the conversation for each topic is short, we can always smoothly transit to the next and so on and so forth. and the times when i emo(when i dun think i was actually and now i dunno why i was thinking in such a way lol), and all the encouragements pour in. now that i think of it, i was such a super ultra noob, i must have been very lucky or done something good for my past lives to have such friends.

and then all good things came to an end and we all went separate ways although we are actually not very far apart. wah the truly emo year. sigh, nevertheless, everything always felt better with the hellos and big grins. i rmb i used to go to 3C (that time) when i couldnt stand the loneliness and quietness and everything abt 3E. the familiarity was always so comforting. then we talked less and less, but the hellos never stopped.

i rmb 2 years ago i couldnt decide which i like better, the class or cca, cos i couldnt decide which link to put first haha. then i decided that 2b shld go first since numbers went first in folders. we used to like trainings. really. i saw the tags and i went omg omg. when we first won it felt like we conquered the world. that was when everything havent gone all wrong.

-pause. i'm so freaking full now. :( shldnt have eaten so much. i can feel my stomach pressing against the muscles growing from the sit ups during training on fri. ahhh, i want to burp.-

yes, i truly feel that my life has gone wrong since 2 years ago. i wish that 2008 happened so long ago because i dun want to accidentally think back to only know that it was only last year. i want to run away from all the bad memories from there so badly. yet if i do, then 07 would be even further and i dunno if my memory will rmb as much. apparently i dun, cos all this only came back to me due to the accidental discovery of the tags. it's all wrong because i've done everything right, everything others will prefer, nothing that really really really delights me for days and days.

not to say that all the 08 and 09 friends i made are useless and not worth remembering. it's just that on the whole, all the negativities seemed to overshadow you all. to the extent that i kind of regret not knowing you all better and i wish i had stopped lamenting and done something more these 2 years.

perhaps a new year along the way isnt a bad thing. but it will be if i dun stop this and, set new goals and work towards them(?). shall save them for the new year resolutions but will start thinking first. to sweet beginnings and better endings. the lyrics say 'bitter', but i want them 'better'. oh ya, it's been so long since i sang in front on the com with my fave songs hahahahaha.

wrath

2009-12-19T23:28:00.003+08:00

today started out well. woke up early after sleeping relatively early last night. caught doraemon and spongebob squarepants, something i missed doing for a long time. felt like my life isnt that horrible afterall. surfed the net, saw really good food pictures. cleaned the kitchen and toilets as instructed in the morning, no complains. then that idiot asshole, totally ruined my otherwise normal but very nice day.

the one thing i hate and never got to like at all, it's totally hate hate hate hate hate, is being scolded with vulgarities and for the most insignificant events. and the worst thing is not being able to retort although i alr got a response in my head. it's like i alr got the words way up at my throat, but my lips just keep sealed and some nerves cause your legs to walk off. fucking bastard, dun scold with your so-called reasons. if i'm a bitch for switching channels when you dun even look at the tv, when i have no right at all to do so, because i dun have priority like you, who sat in front of the tv since 10pm and i came along later, then you are a bitch x365. what, male hormones? fyi, i cleared the sofa of the laundry. if not where do you think you can sit huh. hmm let's see, this isnt the first time. hey although you are older, you have absolutely no authority or right to scold me with such an attitude.

if you think you are able to be a lawyer with such poor reasoning skills, you are so wrong. your reasons are not able to substantiate your actions. in fact, such reasons provided by you only proved your lack of logical thinking and inability to control your emotions and likelihood to pass false judgements. ironically, cambridge gave you 4 'A's.

there, now my day is going to end in 9 mins. btw, fuck you, stop acting all high and mighty.

food-dolize

2009-12-19T14:21:00.012+08:00

i thought the blue was really pretty. sometimes i think xmas can look really cool and pretty and classy with more blue and white instead of the usual green and red. anyway, i always have mixed feelings abt xmas. well, for starters my family dun celebrate this occasion so it's always hard to get into the mood of giving or anything. actually i dun gift for xmas, it's just another public holiday where streets are decorated... a lot. good for the eyes i suppose hehe. anyway, xmas would also mark an ending approaching and following that is another new year. hmm oh well, i shall brace myself for the new changes coming.

been thinking alot abt food these days. i kind of suspect it's because of Julie & Julia that i suddenly am interested to know more abt the different kinds of cuisines and the new and novel ways that ppl pull them off this days, esp for cakes and desserts. cupcakes have like a limitless range of designs/deco and i'm not that interested in them... since a lot of ppl already are. anyway, i just realised pastries are like wow~ already. i havent even look into the meats! as in, you know la, food for the carnivores! there's like so so so so SO much i have never tasted before and they ALL look SO good. and alot that i probably seen before but never knew the name.

disclaimer: none of the images belong to me. got them from google images/some foodie blogs/flickr along the way for easy references. sentences that i copied are from wiki.

this one seems to have more filling, mmmmmmmm. marcaroni without an eye('i') - this is called marcaron. seen it before and it reminds me alot of the tong2 luo2 shao1 that doraemon always eats. sadly, never ate one before. "Dating back to the 18th century, the macaron is a traditional French pastry, made of egg whites, almond powder, icing sugar and sugar." and there are like, i dunno how many flavours(and colours)!

just realised this dessert is in rc too! perfecto. this is parfait, and it means perfect in french. it reminds me of ice-cream or yoghurt. just that they separated the fruit from the yogurt. but in any case, it looks nice. oh ya i saw it on a cooking show on tv before. they made it with a big glass bowl/cup and it looked gooooood. doesnt look hard to make haha. feels like the kind of dessert to impress ppl in weddings/parties/gatherings without having to make puddings/cakes/tarts. just sprinkle sprinkle sprinkle and you get a berry berry surprise! btw, can put other fruits in too.

soo-fley. hmm, i would have called it soul-fur la. ok this is souffle! the noob here havent eaten this before. and i know ppl who did, more than once. :X anyone out there did not yet? in my impression, this is the pop-out-of-cup-cake. which seems tasty cos of it seems a little crispy on the top and sides of the top yet soft on the inside. looks spongy to me. ah, it shld be nice to munch on. btw, i imagine it to be so, so correct me if i'm wrong. "A soufflé is a light, fluffy, baked cake made with egg yolks and beaten egg whites combined with various other ingredients and served as a savory main dish or sweetened as a dessert." yeah the 'e' has something on it.

lasagne... pasta, cheese, pasta, cheese, with the ingredients caught in between the layers. also saw this on a cooking show on tv. hmm cheese~

looks like a bigger kind of egg tart with a mango. anyway, this is creme brulee. "consisting of a rich custard base topped with a contrasting layer of hard caramel." i think i saw it on tv before. LOL again. or maybe i just saw the same technique where they caramel-ize the top. btw, this is in rc too.

i realised tarts can be really pretty too, just like cupcakes. btw, what's the diff between tarts and tartlets? caramel and toffee? ahh toffee. i think what i always ate was butterscotch? hmm chewy. i dun get why some ppl dun like toffees. maybe because of it chewy-ness, or perhaps it's too sticky to them. i'm tired alr haha, spent alot of time on the web for this.

butterfly effect

2009-12-18T20:03:00.004+08:00

this complacency is something i can shake.

i kind of think i spent the hols meditating and sorting things out. didnt hang out as much as i thought i would after eoys, but at least everything feels clearer and it's like i have a better idea of what i want. maybe it's not like fixed and i-absolutely-have-to-do-this, but i'm quite sure i'd like the idea. no more letdowns, no more regrets. maybe then the outcome will just er come naturally. shld stop hesitating so much, looking back so much, although it's wise to do so in my more brainy life. uh yeah, didnt really think alot/use much intellect this days.

also, i'm finding it more and more true that without me, the world wont be any different. as in, not like i totally wont affect anyone, but the earth will still spin, there will still be day and night, workaholics will still work, ppl will still get on with life. and not like i shld die la, but still... perhaps all the more we shld make this life cycle more worthed it. no one is indispensable, but that doesnt mean you shld make your life anymore insignificant.

and that whoever wants it bad enough will win.

hehe oh ya i got the good progress award! :) $.$ i feel like framing the letter up hahaha. but no, maybe just keep it. alot of satisfaction alr la. :) although it also means last year was... hmm. haha but still~ this news is like feeding my appetite for more, like, i would also want to get the merit bursary cos it means more money. hehe ok i shld be contented. yay! :D i'm going to work harder next year for the money again! hehe -wriggles eyebrows- more money~ but then again, let's hope i survive first. maybe come next year i'd be laughing at all this. just this paragraph.

healings; motivations; go me!

2009-12-17T19:30:00.005+08:00

3 posts a day is one too many, but i've got to talk.

despite having a very boring and meaningless hols, at least i learnt a valuable lesson. i would consider this as one, i guess. i hope i'm not wrong. never ever ever bottle up your feelings. given a 159cm stature, how much emotions can you contain? -.-

training tmr. i hope i wont slide as much cos of my frictionless shoes and the frictionless floor. :|

btw i think travelling solo seems cool. provided you dun have to really worry abt how much you can spend and that no unpleasantries will happen. seems like a good way to relax and meet new ppl without anything stopping you. afterall, no one knows you(me, rather) out there. haha if you do smth embarassing, no one will recognize you.

sometimes when i think abt it... maybe i didnt want perfection as much as they did. maybe that's why i dun improve that much or play as well or get into the main team this year. maybe. but i dun want to lose hope for next year, nor do i want them to lose hope in me. i want to fight for it, i want to prove that we can do it, that i can do it. that we can make it, that we are not trash bins. that we can cover up each other's mistakes, that i can play a part in doing so. that i wont help in the let down, that i wont let anyone down.

come on, focus. dun let them down!

come on you can do this

2009-12-17T16:54:00.004+08:00

黄靖伦 - 咸鱼
天刚亮雨滴落房间的窗
我像咸鱼躺床上一天接着一天
我连呼吸都厌倦

忽然发现早已忘记对这世界该有什麽感觉
(连悲伤都不会)
忽然惊觉这个世界少了我也没有什麽差别
(我想我需要点改变)

起了床今天眼神不一样
抛弃咸鱼的目光背包装满能量
帆布鞋陪我去闯

忽然发现早已忘记对这世界该有什麽感觉
(连悲伤都不会)
忽然惊觉这个世界少了我也没有什麽差别
(我想我需要点改变)

忽然发现换了一面看这世界就会找到特别
(就算翻身很累)
咸鱼翻身那天我会记住你的笑脸当作纪念
(我期待你害怕这天)

就算雨会淋湿身体 (会淋湿身体)
拒当快晒乾的咸鱼

忽然发现早已忘记对这世界该有什麽感觉
(连悲伤都不会)
忽然惊觉这个世界少了我也没有什麽差别
(我想我需要点改变)

忽然发现换了一面看这世界就会找到特别
(就算翻身很累)
咸鱼翻身那天我会记住你的笑脸当作纪念
(我期待你害怕这天)

我的人生自己决定我的旅行自己履行
我的人生自己决定我的旅行自己履行

think the song is awesome hehe. :) the album cover is quite LOL. hmm, unconventional haha.

it started with washing plates

2009-12-17T12:21:00.009+08:00

if only words can do magic, then i wouldnt still be so angsty, and angry all the time. if only a simple 'cheer up' can do the trick. and now the problem of the problem is that i dunno what exactly is the problem, psychological/biological/whatever. sigh.

just keep feeling that alot of things are unfair and there's alot of biasness involved. and then when i'm trying to "rectify" the issue by... i dunno, zao4 fan3?, more problems arise. relationships get strained, talking becomes a chore. a risk, like something even worse might happen if the converstaion continues and then i retort too much, and then the cycle goes on.

sometimes i dun get why some other ppl can get away with their bad attitudes but i can't. they can whine and be spared the work but i can't. and the worse thing is feeling so awful after everything over i dunno what. not exactly guilt, just angry, at myself, at everything.

i hate it when ppl ask me to do work(i.e. chores, helping out at home/work) based on the fact that i stayed at home for the day. that doesnt mean i dun do anything right. i do wash the dishes after lunch, cook lunch(sometimes), fold the clothes, do other misc stuff like copying stuff for my mum once in a while, and then i help out during dinner when asked to, which includes chopping stuff, washing more stuff, cleaning up after everything is cooked. and then after dinner, i somehow expect the time to be completely at my disposal. even if i am called to wash dishes/do laundry... ok fine. but not being asked to do those things by you when you are the one being asked to do them, because i stayed at home all day. do you know from the clothes i folded, most of them are yours. do you know i can cook dinner using much less utensils than you. ok fine, forget dinner, since you honestly do cook better than me. but i just really can't accept the fact that jobs are pushed to me, when it's not like i havent done my part. and the fact that it isnt being done so to others who dun do alot on a daily/more frequent basis. yeah yeah, they do the more intellectual stuff like taxes/accounts, but that doesnt last for all 365 days.

i'm so bloody sick of the 随传随到 obligation. dun i do work at home too? just because you dun see, it doesnt mean i dun do.

in conclusion, the two worst reasons to make ppl do work:
1) because you stay at home all day
2) because you are a girl (self explanatory. if you are a girl, you know. what, guys dun have hands, cannot do ah.)

solution; maybe if i stop comparing...

our life manual

2009-12-15T22:18:00.004+08:00

cos i fear becoming someone i really wish i never have to face. i dunno, hormones? BP? adrenaline?? i wish i can be a better person now.

subjectivity makes us feel better, but it's only an escape from what we actually are. ultimately... we'd still see our flaws and mistakes.

Relient K - Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

[Chorus]
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

-
we write a manual all our life. we come up with ideas, experiment, and come to a conclusion on how to do things, solve problems, face ppl and most of all, to let go when appropriate, stand up after you fall and be true to your conscience.

subjective

2009-12-15T18:49:00.006+08:00

i need to work on my memory. i just forgot all of what i was thinking a while ago, although i'm still feeling the same way. the thoughts dun come back though. sigh have you ever kept doing something which you thought was considered helping, which mostly i still think so!, but then you get scolded/reprimanded for not doing it right/properly, but ultimately you still do everything the next time. and also, you get scolded/reprimanded for not doing anything aka apathy as they would say. logically i shld no longer do anything anymore since i get the equal treatment with less effort and more fats everywhere for not moving but happier, as compared to doing everything, at least i think within the area of which my kindness/helpfullness can reach, blah blah blah, and not get anything positive in return.

subjective, yeah, maybe. but i'm finding it tiring to try to be objective and thinking abt maybe it's my fault too, maybe i shld have...-s. the point is, the most sickening thing is that i always go back doing things i tell myself i'm never gonna do anymore since the price to pay is the same as not doing anything. damn.

oh i rmb something. i thought: the next time i see a lizard on your bed, i'm not going to tell you so that you can have company for the night.

i'm going to watch tv for the korean drama to see how ppl plot and drown all the negativities with some food and hope that tmr will be a better day.

i'd sink us to swim

2009-12-11T15:16:00.006+08:00

i'm really starting to love One Republic haha, that's something i never thought would ever be true. maybe because i thought they'd just be another band that'd die out after a few hit songs. maybe i thought everyone was too fanatic over them. maybe it's because i like the new album better. nevertheless, this is Marchin On by One Republic. listen to it, love it, sing it. i find the lyrics quite meaningful. actually my brother introduced me to the songs la. Good Life has a nice rhythm too, but i still prefer Marchin On. is it just me or do they sing it as Ma-shin-on? anyway, it really feels like a good song as we/i approach an end, and yet another beginning(soon).

One Republic - Marchin On
For those days we felt like a mistake,
Those times when love’s what you hate,
Somehow,
We keep marching on.

For those nights when I couldn’t be there,
I’ve made it harder to know that you know,
That somehow,
We’ll keep moving on.

There’s so many wars we fought,
There’s so many things we’re not,
But with what we have,
I promise you that,
We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

For all of the plans we’ve made,
There isn’t a flag I’d wave,
Don’t care if we bend,
I’d sink us to swim,
We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

For those doubts that swirl all around us,
For those lives that tear at the seams,
We know,
We’re not what we’ve seen,

For this dance we’ll move with each other.
There ain’t no other step than one foot,
Right in front of the other.

There’s so many wars we fought,
There’s so many things we’re not,
But with what we have,
I promise you that,
We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

For all of the plans we’ve made,
There isn’t a flag I’d wave,
Don’t care if we bend,
I’d sink us to swim,
We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

Right, right, right, right left right,
Right, right, right, right left right,
Right, right,
We’re marching on.

We’ll have the days we break,
And we’ll have the scars to prove it,
We’ll have the bonds that we save,
But we’ll have the heart not to lose it.

For all of the times we’ve stopped,
For all of the things I’m not.

We put one foot in front of the other,
We move like we ain’t got no other,
We go when we go,
We’re marching on.

There’s so many wars we fought,
There’s so many things we’re not,
But with what we have,
I promise you that,
We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

Right, right, right, right left right,
Right, right, right, left, right,
Right, right,
We’re marching on.

Right, right, right, right left right,
Right, right, right, left, right,
Right, right,
We’re marching on.

yes yes, time to pick up the pieces and move on. to move on doesn't denote to forget. it's probably more like going along the flow again, only stronger and wiser. haha hope it's applicable in real life.

oh yeah the laptop is back! oh yeah oh yeah~

that aside, it just dawned upon me that February isn't that far away now. :/ i think there's only one thing to fear as you grow older and that is you dun get any wiser after the 12 months.

more unproductivity

2009-12-08T15:35:00.003+08:00

Happy 22nd Birthday Bro! :D
(even though you won't ever read this) can't imagine the rate at which you are edging towards oldness alr haha. anyway, hope that everything will go on well for you in China next year. i wont forget how you would promise me movie tickets when you embark on your attempts for internships/competitions/big projects. although i never succeeded in getting one from you yet, i look forward to! plus the time you offered help(ok i asked first) when i spoilt my own sim card :X and when you would rmb the debts i owe you. :D
-

call HP tmr, call HP tmr! i shld never have procrastinated by so much! call by 5pm! must make reminder. yay my lappy will be back soon~ no more ebuddy, whirling fan in the desktop, un-changable desktop wallpapers!

i realised:

love songs sounds better in foreign language. maybe because we have no idea what they are singing, all the more we can hear and feel the emotions, the mellifluous melody and the longing voice. hahaha i think i delved too deep.

we never ended a conversation properly before aka there's no goodbye/bb/bye/see ya. sometimes i hate it when conversations end with me saying the last sentence, other than lol, feels like... i'm being ignored. :/

i'm going to turn anti-social at this rate of rotting, rotting and more rotting.

from the bottom of my heart

2009-12-07T20:20:00.006+08:00

happy day :D i dunno where to start and this may sound random, but...

1)MICHELLE BRANCH ROCKS! :D
i think the reason i really support her and her songs is because i think they really speak from the heart. (and partly because the good stuff started to happen when i was listening to her songs.)

2) and of course there's something else hehehe. which i think is the main reason actually. hehehehehe i sound like some lao se lang.

3) my bro got a new phone. congrats, yay now I get to use the computer before my laptop comes back. :)

4) Julie & Julia

watched Julie & Julia yesterday. it was really really good. i don't know why but i feel sad when Julie doesn't get to meet Julia and that Julia actually hates her. perhaps it's true as the husband said, that the Julia Child she had in mind was what we pictured her to be. the jolly, happy-go-lucky housewife who never lost her passion to cook, the enthusiast who enjoyed cooking as much as eating.

and of course, scenes of cooking and food mmmm.

5) Drag Me To Hell
i'm slow but... ugh i got freaked out by the show. but not as much as i thought i would cos i was already preparing myself for the scary parts after hearing all the comments from my bro and friends. and again, i felt sad that the girl died in the end. she's just unlucky.

6) Angels & Demons
very twisted plot and it was quite confusing when it started. very interesting and thought provoking if you are interested in science and religion.

...

\(^o^)/ for you i cheer.

unproductivity

2009-12-05T14:39:00.008+08:00

i'm sort of getting used to the idea of not having my laptop around. aka rotting away with tv, tea and neopets and really little reading.

had another dream, really odd and crazy. urgh woke up with dry eyes.

watched a bit of ellen on tv recently and i think the part where she talked abt twitter with ppl saying things like "i'm making a sandwich now!" and Hey! Who cares?! is really really funny. and truthful to me. ooh and i found the dance with the dancers from So You think you Can Dance is damn cool. :) right now.... there's nth to watch. zzzzzz.

oh yeah i just read the foot note on the edusave merit bursary letter ytd night. T_T sigh, and i thought the top 25% would include the top 10%. yeah yeah you may think i'm wishing for too much when my gpa and score seems reasonably good enough. the point is, i did put in hard work throughout the year for this! except for term 3. hmm. but still, who would have thought a term, worthed 10%, of relaxing/slacking would make such a big difference! and i thought i've never worked so bloody hard in my life for term 4, for the eoys, for the 50%. sigh, thought it was really possible to get the scholarship money. and i kind of doubt it's possible for me to get the merit bursary money. although i really feel like blaming the school for moderating so much (come on la look at our year end results, i bet they used term 3 to moderate) and raising my hopes... sigh. it's true what my bro said, hard work is not directly proportionate to success.

when you could visualize everything coming true and enact the scene in your mind [the money into your bank account -kaching kaching $$$- after months and months of paying attention and working hard(at least i thought it was enough), the chance to prove your worth after the very very sad 2008], and it doesn't actually happen in reality, you can really feel your heart sink. let me wallow in self pity. oh and let me reiterate my point that the idea of gpa sucks: the idea of gpa sucks.

did i place my hopes too high?

i love you enough to let you go

2009-12-03T17:09:00.003+08:00

i had a pretty interesting dream ytd. i dreamt abt next year's class. and as usual, it's yet another dream that has no logic. someday i really ought to include a new label for "dreams" and laugh at all the weird, sometimes really sweet dreams i dreamt hehe.

hmm. ok, i dreamt that i went to H la, nothing alarming. but there were only 7 ppl in the class hahaha, then there were only 2 girls(including me) and the rest were guys. eh well, they all looked smart and i never met them before. i can't rmb where all my other friends went or maybe i forgot to ask that in my dream. then suddenly the next day, due to some admin errors or something, the other girl had to go to another class! actually i was praying that i would be put into another class too hahahahaha. then i woke up. maybe it didnt sound very weird or interesting to you, but it felt kind of real in the dream. oh well, i bet there's still a long time before the list is out.

i have no big dreams. although i never saw any fault in that... somehow it seems almost universally accepted that ppl must dream to succeed. like dreaming will give you goals and bring you motivation etc etc. i dream that i'd dream big someday and really work for it.

i'm so not ready for anything now.

waking up

2009-11-30T20:10:00.005+08:00

with the laptop being away from me for 2-3 weeks, it's going to be horrible. btw, there's something wrong with the screen. it flickers sometimes, like an old tv. i could have taken it back until they ordered the parts.... but i thought it was more of a bother to go back to the building again, which is opposite of the malan road campus, which we can't return to anymore, and so, i can't find another good reason to go all the way there. sigh, i'm now almost a living zombie. feels a little aimless all day. caught some shows on tv, mostly the repeated ones. which further proves my point i made a long time ago, that older tv shows are always so much better. but looking on the bright side, i managed to read a few articles, picked out some points that i intend to type out... actually now hehe. felt a little more knowledgeable today, like you know abit more here and there. minus all the time i spent in front of the tv, feeling lazy to go for cca tmr, trying to think of times when i won't have to do all these during the hols. the day was quite meaningful la~ this is utter self denial, except for the part where i really felt happy that i started picking up papers with words and reading them.

i forgot that it's 1st dec tmr, kept thinking that it was today although the date will not match the schedule. sian, not going to miss class outing :O but i'm quite good this hols leh, i'm going for cca more than i expected! although i can choose to pon... i'd be affecting more ppl other than myself if i do. and that's what keeps me going on. :) can we just train at the new school alr. tmr is dec! i hate traveling long distances for training. although the new campus isnt any nearer, i guess it feels better since it's our territory haha. we can't always be wandering around like lost flocks of sheeps! lol, in short, just give us a proper court if we are to play.

alot of friends are working this hols. but with that ever-changing schedule these days, even if i want to work i think it'd be hard to fit everything in. besides, i'm not really in the mood to work alr haha. earned myself $22 dollars from working for my father. $10 per day, i feel exploited la, but still, free food and transport and exemption from the many misc stuff to do at home... oh that $2 was pau money, but i decided to save it up. :) but after the debt repayments, i dun have much left. :( life is never easy to begin with.

so few, come and don't go.

2009-11-27T23:29:00.007+08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA HAJI!

i realised there's quite some ppl leaving rv. damn damn damn. sometimes i think i shld too. but obviously i didnt. everytime i come to a juncture when i have to decide if i shld stay or go, there's always that one reason that keeps me staying. sigh, and it always happens that at that/this point of time, i seem to be getting along so well. everything goes along so smoothly that i'm afraid i'd lose it all if i change my environment. of course the ppl play a part too. but i know in life, ppl come and go, and although it sounds sad, you know there are still ppl who will always stay, so... it isn't all that bad. :O and ya, there's no guarantee that the grass is always greener on the other side(although it really really seems so!). anyway it's too late to change alr. i shld just hope the last 2 years in rv will go on well. :D have faith!

ooh went to jp with my mum today. lol so hard to find parking. er maybe it's just cos we are unfamiliar with the area. circled the new campus again. looks promising. :D heard some stuff from the team too. some places are like... weird, namely the gym haha. and only one indoor court! T_T no sun no sun please~

going to train at rvps and maybe the clementi beach vb court(no no no no.....) too. sigh trainings up to 3 times a week now. really hope it'd be productive. i wanna be a genius setter! haha maybe not, maybe just do my part properly and well first. :D

talking abt the next 2 years, i suddenly think next year's going to be horrifying. stared at the GP hw... and i have no idea where to start. :O i bet i'd be a lost sheep next year. baa baa.

symbolism~

2009-11-26T11:27:00.005+08:00

lalala. time is passing slower than i thought it would. anyway, my teeth feels super clean now~ hehe the teeth surfaces feel so smooth although they aren't white. and i can feels some gaps between some teeth. i guess it's good in a way since it means they are clean. as a result of all this, i didnt go for training(in the morning). i hope they're fine. plus i replied their msg late too. going for the later training in the afternoon, the sun and the sand again sigh.

oh yeah i had a dream that i broke my wrist. like chopped off rather. then apparently all the doctor did was to stick it back, erm and it wasn't stuck back properly in a way that it's sort of twisted. no stitches at all! haha but there's the scar la. it's strange cos the person who found my hand(which broke off) was a brother and when i saw it i thought it was his, and then i started to freak out and then freak out even more when he said it's mine and it really was -.- now i know why it's scary to see broken parts of the body. oh ya then after the failed sticking back of the hand, i went for "therapy" by myself and by twisting my hand bit by bit, my hand started to move back to it's original position! lol and the scar is just all the way round my wrist la. oh the really strange thing is that i could somehow feel the pain of the twisting and right after i realised the broken hand is mine. hahaha maybe i was sleeping in an awkward position. or maybe i told myself in the dream that it hurts or smth. anyway, you can do anything in your dreams hahaha.

the horoscope for tuesday(aka the day i had the dream?):
Your dreams can actually help to answer a lingering question today, but you'll need to take the time to explore their symbolism. Even if you cannot remember all the details, your subconscious puts you in touch with what's important now. Your current lesson has to do with how your unfettered imagination can help you create a better future. Remember, what exists in reality begins as a mere thought first.

it's a sign!
-

although beach training was slack(in the way cos we didnt do alot la actually), but it's super tiring. the sun was so hot today. the sand was hot btw and well, sandy grounds aren't never nice to run on in the first place. lol i just rmb how couples would run to each other in beaches hahahahaha. i wont ever do that! next time run also must run on solid ground! i can't believe how some ppl would enjoy the sun, the sand and maybe the sea too.

oooh saw ppl slaughtering lambs today. ugh i can't take the smell very well. but it's quite a rare sight for me.
sometimes i wish we will still talk. :(

sleep

2009-11-24T19:08:00.003+08:00

i shall take back my words for the previous post. the weather was so so so so so good for the past few days until today. the sun and the sand is not a good combination. plus sleeveless singlets... no sleeve to wipe sweat la... T_T i prefer a nice day at home with the com and the fan~ so refined right hahahahahaha. jk la, it's hard to remind myself abt that anyway.

ahh i know i'd sleep well tonight. aching legs.... started after training in the morning and worsened while waiting at the mrt station and worsened some more on the uneven ground(sand) in the afternoon. my brother said he saw me at clementi... loitering. crazy la, maju camp is quite some dist from the court and i didnt walk past there either. anyway even if he saw me i must be walking to/away from there la.

i want to sleep alr!

plans

2009-11-23T14:01:00.009+08:00

omg the weather is so so so so so so so good these days! :D it's the NE monsoon wind! i think i'm right hahaha.

anyway, things to do for the hols:
- cca
- clean up my table! + find wkst + do the wkst (it's a package la haha)
- cut hair... probably shall do it during dec. hahaha more worthed it right. cut more hair with the same cost. :) besides, school haven't reopen, no rush no rush~ i hope i won't go bald by that time... i think my hair line is receding alr. :X
- badminton on sunday(s)! :) :)
- maybe go swimming, i hope i dun sink/drown.
- find cip... -.- maybe maybe. we might succeed this time hahahahahaha.
- neopets! update more abt that l8r.
- watch Planet 51 when it's out. hehe i think my bro wants to watch too, i might get a sponsor :) although reviews abt the movie are mixed, i guess it seems fine?
- perhaps Sherlock Holmes too :D :D
- sell textbooks! i offer the best and most reasonable prices! textbooks range from chinese, maths, geog and history! prices will range according to the quality and are negotiable! buy them for yourself or your younger siblings!
- transform myself into a refined young lady HAHAHAHAHA.

hopefully there are more to come. :D it's a shame i dun get to go on holidays since god knows when. ): sigh, but still, the internet is man's second best friend. i'm sure i can entertain myself just as well.

can't stop won't stop

2009-11-21T01:26:00.007+08:00

i kind of doubt that this photo is real, but anyway, it looks good enough i suppose. some day, i really got to see one for real. :)

wooh abt 8000np more before i can upgrade my account~ finally lalalalala. can't wait for december when the advent calendar will start. :D hols are passing too slowly for me. :X shall find a new hobby like cleaning up, recycling old worksheets, selling textbooks(who want who want?!), trying to increase the amt of space available on my table etc etc. the eoy stuff are still there. :( kept telling myself to clean up l8r l8r l8r and l8r never came haha. sigh.

oh well i suppose i was of quite alot of help to my mum today. helped out at her office for the whole day. now i strongly believe working is really really a chore unless you enjoy it. ah nvm, i got a rather nice lunch anyway. :D

actually i think i dun feel anything abt changing classes next year. i guess i can take almost any kind of blow. almost, almost. our sch jiu that many ppl only ma. i dun really expect to see certain ppl too, just look at the number of ppl taking pcme. no expectations = no disappointment. just hope i'm not that unlucky or anything la.
---

The Maine - Into Your Arms

i think it'd sound good as a soundtrack for a movie. :)

sloth

2009-11-19T17:43:00.003+08:00

can't seem to even comprehend how i'm feeling these days, it makes it hard to find a solution to all the negativity. when something or someone is not there, and they usually are, always, like almost forever, it always makes me feel like something is not right. perhaps you dun always talk to the person or do something. perhaps they became so etched to your daily life you overlook them. then one day or for a period of time, once they disappear, it seems as though there's a hole in this warm blanket you use to keep yourself warm and cosy and you have to be exposed to the cold. maybe it's a good chance to look out thru this hole too, to see what else you probably never saw. or to find a new blanket to keep you warm again. but the reluctance to leave the warmth is always there. it makes our progress stagnant, but it keeps us happy enough. sometimes we may not want to move on because some things have been there for so long it seems to be a part of you. nonetheless, we can't forget that the cold is still there and eventually we all have to move on to find our new blanket. change, progress and letting go are always there and we all have to choose that in some point of time in our lives. the only difference is when and how we are going to do it.

i have a feeling i'm only typing this cos it's quite cold out there now. it's only 25 degree celsius. haha so cool~

i'm feeling really aimless this hols, but actually i kind of like it that way. although i never really had one for the previous hols either(like spend $XXXX/ watch XXXX/ buy and eat XXXX)... this hols feels particularly aimless. just going to take it one day at a time. kind of wish to be a snail/hermit crab or some sort of animal like that now.

hmm maybe i'd start on the hol homework! which i believe is lying trapped some where under stacks and stacks of paper, or maybe alr down the rubbish chute. i'm serious, i rmb throwing a stack of papers away while looking for chinese stuff before o levels hcl. which, by now would probably be recycled paper alr. come to think of it, only 9 days passed that exam right? wow hols is passing even slower than i thought.

awfully tired

2009-11-17T16:40:00.008+08:00

training was awfully tiring. seriously i think this is the first time i felt so tired during and after training. i think i could alr feel the lactic acid in my legs during that big-point-small-point game half way thru training. it's like when you run, you can feel something flowing between ur muscles and skin. the match against the B girls weren't any better, really wanted to give up, esp since my ankle started to hurt all of the sudden. oh i almost forgot, the bloody suicides. 20 times, including 2 more yellow lines. plus still had to bend down to touch the freaking line. haha i think at that time our backs ached more than our legs. LOL but still, a team ma, suffer tgt? well, it was interesting to run with them la, hahahahahaha our conspiracy. and the "huishan is our goal, we run there to kick her once" thing. the real side effects kicked in when i reached home. ahhh ached so much it became such a chore to walk and climb the stairs. can't find any good position to sit/walk/stand since every position hurts as much.

so hot today. what happened to the wonderful weather ytd(despite the short shower in the afternoon)? ytd's weather was really awesome. urghhhh can't stand it now.

re-exploring Westlife's songs. ahhh some are really the classics~ personal favourites in no particular order:
Fool Again
If I Let You Go
Swear it Again
You Make Me Feel
Uptown Girl
Until The End Of Time

lalala.

some other things can make your heart skip a beat too

2009-11-13T16:57:00.010+08:00

honestly i think it's quite easy to scare me too. it's ok to call me a scardey cat(how to spell) la, my dan3 also really very small one~ T_T i didnt know Kindaichi Shounen no Jikenbo(Kindaichi Case Files) can freak me out as much as it did many many years ago. and this is only the anime! i'm telling you, it's so easy to link it to something real, it's like you can really seeing it happening to real people. and wahlao the face! ahhhhhhhhhhh just imagine it appearing behind you(as it did in the show)! T_T omg it all feels so real to me. and the thing is, i really really want to find out the ending! but i dun think i'd continue to watch in these conditions... dark, pouring, empty, alone. :( some other day, i swear i'd finish it. and i'd stop going !@#$%^&*()!@#$%^&*() everytime i feel that something scary is going to appear.

sigh i rmb watching the drama and movie years ago. but i think it didnt freak me out as much... i guess it's mainly because i watched it with my brothers, (sometimes, when it's recorded) in broad daylight, bright and sunny. or else when it's deep at night when i would have zonked out before the scary parts re-enact over and over again. i rmb there were 2 movies, one of which i can't rmb. the other was freaking scary. the monster/murderer in disguise.... urgh. if i'm not wrong there's always some curse/legend at a certain place in the stories, then the main characters went on a holiday at a chalet/resort during winter. the legend is abt this thing called xue3 ye4 cha1, whom i forgot how or why will kill people. which, in any case, i bet will scare the daylights out of me if i watch it again. i dun really know how to describe its appearance, nor do i really wish to google for its images, if it still exist anyway. i think it'd be good for me to watch scary shows at a distance. seriously i think it gives me a better sense of security.

p.s. the seasons i used to watch in the past are 1 and 2. i think the cast is the same for both seasons. maybe i can consider rewatching them, probably include season 3 too, since i really dun have much memories of them alr. i will watch them when the weather turns better.

couldn't contain my curiosity, and went to google for xue3 ye4 cha1. seriously, i'd die if i see it at night.

maybe the manga version isn't half as bad. na, here's the one in the movie.

(feel free to click to enlarge)

ok, so it may be an over reaction.... my bro said the show wasnt scary. T_T sigh but the xue3 ye4 cha1 thing is the worst. must be some childhood trauma. honestly, i must be 自己吓自己by a little too much or smth. :O heheh ok la, after you shudder for a while you will feel ok.

when we became two

2009-11-12T16:33:00.005+08:00

i dunno why some streets can always look so golden. yeah maybe it's just the different kind of lights, but still, i think even the aura it gives out is so.... golden. so cool man.

looking around(the table), i can tell i'm not ready for the new year at all. i'm sure there's still many many many things from the previous years. note the S after 'year'. sigh so going to die when i decide to clean up.

losing motivation to do anything right for the hols alr, since everything alr feels so wrong. :X unknowingly, we're alr approaching mid november. :O ah i just rmb, we had hol homework.

did some thinking after the O's.... -pause to structure thoughts-
you know, a new year seems good. a new start for many things. ideally, such a change is wonderful, fabulous! we can start fresh and clean! but ineveitably, some things are going to change right. sigh, in short, i just hope in the period of change, some things can withstand the mighty whirlwind and stay as they are.

xxx

i think i'd attempt to help cook dinner tonight. V(^^)V

rollercoaster

2009-11-11T18:17:00.003+08:00

张震岳 - 思念是一种病
当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
一辈子有多少的来不及
发现已经失去
最重要的东西
恍然大悟早已远去
为何总是在犯错之后
才肯相信错的是自己
他们说这就是人生
试著体会试著忍住眼泪
还是躲不开应该有的情绪
我不会奢求世界停止转动
我知道逃避一点都没有用
只是这段时间里尤其在夜里
还是会想起难忘的事情
我想我的思念是一种病
久久不能痊愈
当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
时常感觉你在耳后的呼吸
却未曾感觉你在心口的鼻息
汲汲营营
忘记身边的人需要爱和关心
藉口总是拉远了距离
不知不觉无声无息
我们总是在抱怨事与愿违
却不愿意回头看看自己
想想自己到底做了甚黱蠢事情
也许是上帝给我一个试炼
只是这伤口需要花点时间
只是会想念过去的一切
那些人事物会离我远去
而我们终究也会远离
变成回忆
oh 思念是一种病
oh 思念是一种病一种病
多久没有说我爱你
多久没有拥抱你所爱的人
当这个世界不在那黱美好
只有爱可以让他更好
我相信一切都来得及
别管那些纷纷扰扰
别让不开心的事停下了脚步
就怕你不说就怕你不做
别让遗憾继续一切都来得及
-

after the O's and chalet and all, i'm feeling very very aimless this hols. yes there're trainings but i dun really feel very motivated, ah even if i do, it doesnt last. ah btw i overslept today by alot so um yeah. sigh.

oh yeah abt getting a job, the website banned me! wth i didnt do anything! now i can't get the details. my sell shoe job... T_T this remind me of the many things that went against me recently, namely the two days, when i really didnt do anything(except for my bro's watch, i shldnt have pressed anything...). sigh in short, i have no affinity with electronic devices.

i really hope to do something enriching this hols. i feel like going on holiday, as in, go overseas. see snow/animals/plants, eat and shop without restrictions heh. actually it's ok if it doesnt come true, cos it'd mean it's something to look forward to once i have the means to do so. :) till then, i'd figure out what's going to be the centre of my universe for the hols.

i think it feels really weird when some ppl and things are not where they usually are.

oh on a lighter note, i think i'm going to meet up with a few(my best) primary school friends soon! :D talked to them online ytd, lol they are still the same hahahahahaha. just as nice and funny as ever. but i'm sure they got prettier, and taller and stuff. :D something to look forward to!~

save the best for the last

2009-11-10T17:48:00.005+08:00

i hope and want this to be my best and last hcl paper taken! ok after the paper, i thought that it was manageable and i sort of hoped for an A even more. then after walking around vivo and on the mrt i started to worry if everyone did as well or if many many many many many(!!!) more people did much better, then if they moderate, wouldnt my grades drop? wah at least a B(3) la....... to make matters worse, i stupidly pressed on the luck-meter-for-today! button on facebook. it's... 34%. wahhh i hope this is not true. dun scare myself, dun scare myself. calm down, i'm pro~~~! i dun need luck(not much)! -pray pray pray- although the part where i think abt not having anymore chinese exams ever~ is really a joyous affair and can't stop smiling to everything, the worry for the result can be quite overwhelming too.

Tuesday, Nov 10th, 2009 -- Your professional future may be looking quite bright today, but be careful, for you could be basing your projections on incomplete data. You may be receiving praise from your boss and encouragement from others, but they have their own reasons for giving you positive feedback. Keep a healthy attitude about your work, but don't let your eagerness for success blind you to what's really happening now.

on a more positive note, my horoscope is more reliable since there's some sort of basis to its predictions. i suppose anyway. everytime i think my future is bright and good, it doesn't necessarily turn out so. ahhh please, just let me do well for the stuff that is/are printed on a certificate. yes it's irritating to do everything for the certs only, but come on it's reality, people look at certs right. must have been quite some time since the exams, if not why am i so panicky?! damn damn damn exams. i shld really leave the worrying till next year. yes yes yes.
-

i wonder when is the next time we will talk like this again. soothing the sore feet and warming the hearts. if only some things will not reside into memories.

avalanche~

2009-11-09T11:52:00.006+08:00

really really awesome song! Avalanche by Marie Digby. haha i think i heard it on radio before but how could i have missed it! but anyway, heard it again from shawn. hahahahaha damn nice~~ didnt post any lyrics this time cos there's so many different versions around. :X

O's tmr. wish me luck! :) i want an A, but B3 shld be fine. argh i really dun want to go lower than that alr. >< having darn smart brothers is a very debatable issue, they can include it in GP or smth.

(aiya it's irritating with a small blogging space, but, but, but, the green very pretty ma. and the words are SO big, SO easy to read, don't you think? :D )

cause i don't know what to feel anymore

2009-11-07T00:00:00.005+08:00

back from 4E chalet. strangely i dun feel much anymore. :X well, i learnt a bit of mahjong hahaha~ now i know not all avian(the rooster and parrot) in the mahjong tiles are the same. and i guess when i'm tired i can sleep almost anywhere. even the short distance from clementi to jurong east, on the table, on a plastic-ky bed. hahaha but i;m not the only one! yongen too! at least for the first part. never thought i could sleep on the mrt since the seat is um so smooth.

o's are in 3 days. i hope i can make it for the compo.

Take That - Beautiful World
Here standing in the rain
The sun has gone again and nothing's gonna change
Time, I need a little time as you slip out of sight
And nothing heals the pain.

And I know that it's you that's stopping me from falling
Crashing down, losing ground til I see you again
And you know...

The sun will shine, and we will see there's nothing standing in our way
Love will stand and never break
Never thought this could be me
Do you feel what I feel?
Every time that you are near it's a beautiful world
A beautiful world

Words are hard to keep inside
Even though I've tried, impossible to hide.

And you know that it's me that's stopping you from falling
Crushing down, losing ground til I see you again
And you know...

I'll be the stars guiding you
I'll be the place that you hide
I'd run a thousand miles, a thousand miles to be by your side.

555

2009-11-03T00:46:00.002+08:00

as i wonder why you never let me in,
i realised that i never did let you in either.

i hate it when you think
you're finally breathing for yourself
and then something has to happen
to let you know you're not.

many people dread the start of a new year.
somehow, a part of me wishes for it badly.
for journey to liberty,
for the start of something hectic.

another excuse for me to push everything away
despite yearning for it.
for i won't have to explain,
and i'd just have to wait,
for things to happen,
for things to change,
for them to be the way i want them to.

and then i can lament
and no one can blame it on me
cause i dun have the right
for things to change.

i hate the way my mood changes,
when i think i've grown,
and end up making the wrong decisions,
the wrong judgments,
the wrong assumptions.

sometimes i wish i was so much more,
without worrying about the wrong choices,
the people i'd upset,
the future i shall face.

stop

2009-11-02T14:31:00.006+08:00

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY (2nd) BRO!
hahaha now someone's no longer a teen! hope you get out of the army soon. :)
-

this doesnt feel like the hols at all. in fact, i can smell the new year alr. and the 'O' level hcl isnt over, xmas is not even approaching anytime soon! wah i must be going crazy somehow.

i had a dream that i was having chinese lessons. and i rmb seeing yijun pnghang and zhenchen. oh man is this a sign? but can't be la, chinese lessons, year 5, zhenchen?! dun match at all. shld be fine shld be fine. oh yeah, halfway thru the lesson, there was a blackout, except that the fans were still working. LOL i think it must have been my secret longing to have blackouts during chinese lessons without sacrificing my comfort.

i realised it's been so long since i thought much abt it. i can't rmb when it started. but it's kind of weird. :O sometimes i wished you were more decisive, more like me, shared more with me. instead of being so cold. perhaps all of this was just a phase, one that i didnt know would last so long. perhaps i alr stopped feeling so. why was i so scared that i'd stop having this feeling, when i secretly think you no longer do.

i feel so exposed when i talk abt things like this, yet if i dun, i feel so uncomfortable.

ahh i really shld start thinking abt the happy stuff. can someone remind me that the 'O' level hcl is on 10/11 and not 11/11!?!?!?!?!

<3

2009-10-31T16:19:00.007+08:00

facebook is spammed with the sec 4 classes' albums. well, i contributed a fair amount of photos too. kind of lazy to even go there now haha. perhaps only for RC. actually today just feels like any other saturday. except that i woke up around 3 hours ago(1.30pm). erm. hahaha, new record? woooh 4e chalet on 4-6th nov. :D

the saddest thing is to part when we finally got a little closer.

it was an awesome year with an awesomely cool 16th birthday, really really nice plus patient plus sometimes cute teachers and nice-to-be-with and weirdly funny classmates and friends. :) plus pretty awesome and shocking results i doubt i'd ever achieve again. ahh yeah, it was a pretty memorable 16th year afterall. :) if there is no 'O' level higher chinese, it won't be 锦上添花 alr. hahahaha i can't rmb the english expression.

the year(so far) was pretty well spent. no regrets!

post last day of school

2009-10-30T23:51:00.013+08:00

(if you click on it the resolution isn't too bad)

i really dun think 2b'07 is comparable to 4e'09, nor is 4e'09 comparable to 2b'07. because both classes are special to me in many different small ways, there's no common basis for comparison. sometimes i'm really quite grateful i got to know ppl from these 2 classes, i can't really explain why, hahahaha but friendships need no explanations afterall, don't they?

never dedicated a post specially for 2b'07 before, haha but i'm not going to now either. at least not now, for the spotlight shall be on 4e'09.

i rmb last year was so horrible it makes me cringe. honestly i learnt alot of painful lessons that year, but i suppose it did help this year. :D handed over the reins of chairperson and cca leader as i entered year 4 and actually the main purpose was for me to feel free-er, perhaps partly for studies too. really found it hard to breathe under those onion rings sometimes, but i guess the experience was... memorable. anyway, into year 4 and everyone started out the same way we left it in year 3.

some teachers continued teaching us and some left. along came other teachers who left lots of memories i dun think i can ever replicate. it was pretty cool to find warmth within the cold air con classroom sometimes. hahahaha and i think, today(the last day of school) was the best day in these two years. not because we're all going our separate ways, but because today, i truly felt like i'm part of 4e'09.

can't believe the talks abt leaving 4e would turn out like this. we always say we'll just miss the ppl by a bit, but little did i know, bit by bit, they add up to be quite alot. sure, we may not be super close to each other, but there are times when we share experiences tgt. i guess in a way, that's a common ground for most of us. part of our memories are made up by everyone in the class. like getting punished for the weirdest reasons, getting caught by the school's-most-feared, getting taught by a different physics teacher, having our beloved physics teacher back, bai nian-ing at mr zong's, class lunch etc etc. Etc seems to have a different meaning now. because the memories are in so many small bits and pieces, there's too many to really pin point and count.

hahaha in no particular order,
guys! never talked to you all much la hahahahaha. but everyday do weird things like jumping to bang your head into the ceiling and soccer-ing at the corner, er very special la.
and shawn! haha i think it's really been great being classmates for 4 years and being co-chairpersons for last year. yeah it wasn't very pleasant la that part. but anyway, i thought it was quite enjoyable talking to you, esp abt music hahaha! i'd rmb your sacarstic ways!
lokhang! i seriously think you're the nicest guy in 4e! OBS and inline skating was fun with you around. without you i think i'd probably starve or lose weight at OBS. hahahaha in fact after OBS, my appetite became better!
chikan! wah known you for quite long too! you lame until sometimes i can't stand you. but still, it's pretty fun to compete with you in RC and to suan you!
tongyao and siqi! i rmb you two had the same hairstyle in the beginning of the year! hahaha tongyao is super funny la. i rmb playing UNO with you and it was hilarious. dun forget how to speak proper chinese and english!

the girls! i have to admit i met a few of the most awesome ppl in my rv life here.
kathy! i feel tired rethinking abt our experiences tgt again hahaha, i rather they just pop out suddenly when i chance by something we had in common. but i really appreciate you as a friend! all i wanted to say, i said in the email la hehehe. dun be too senile ok! :D
hanni! lovely blackie!!!! you are awesome to talk to and crap with! esp abt cca and stuff. :) i won't forget your big pretty brown eyes! yeah like wise, i got email for ya! so yupp(oh yeah got for yonglim yongen jiarong and songyan too so i wont have to repeat again l8r). and of course, the above listed ppl were really really nice la, make my days in 4e more interesting. :D
the prc girls! smart ppl hahahahahaha.
i rmb zhenchen has the same english name as me and she's really nice and approachable. the super cool one who quited SC hahahahaha.
danni was always the blur blur one.
jiashuang was the zai one in all sciences,
bingying was the hyper active one,
wuzhen was the quiet one(quite interesting since the two sit tgt)
and yiqun was always no. 1!

note: there maybe double references.
katherine congwan wenli! my 963 bus mates, it has been fun to go home with you all!
congwan and jiahui, wenli and pnghang! you all never fail to lighten up my days at the back. it's fun to overhear your conversations and discuss abt shampoos! hahahaha and of course you all have been a great help to me! :D
songyan and kathy! my threesome partners!
jillian! my mortal, you're so near to perfection i think as an angel i got nth to bless you alr hahaha. still, it was fun to be mysterious and give you messages from "above" hahahahaha!
eunice zhenzhi rachel jillian yathei! yeah never really talked to you all that much either but you all make the class livelier hahaha!

anyway, 4e'09 will forever be a part of my memory. i swear i wont forget that.

550

2009-10-26T16:12:00.008+08:00

i can feel every breath i take in pass by my throat, removing latent heat from its walls and at the same time, drying every bit of moisture from it. nahh not so exaggerated, it's just drier than ytd la. i just committed the universal taboo against sore throats - eat ice cream. but for a moment my throat felt so cool, so moisturized, so normal.~ yeah, that's for a moment. i realised the only time it doesnt hurt is when i eat hahahaha. therefore it further proves the point that, you can't ever hate eating! :D

been feeling quite bad for not going for 2b outing today. um well, i really didnt feel like going out and i'm really quite broke alr la. so yeah, doesnt really sound like good reasons, but i just went with whatever i felt like doing and so i didnt go anyway. thus received the punishment of drinking alot of salt water(supposedly able to kill germs and aiding in recovery). might start shrinking at this rate since the body cells will decrease in volume and undergo crenation.

i think this was aired when i was p3? the times when i used to really love the tv. watched this today morning, it was on repeat on tv. anyway, this is one of the openings i like. :D and also the one from 豆腐街 and 何日军再来(repeat on tv on saturdays 2.30 - 4.30 i think). ahh those were the times when the tv shows were good. then i can't really rmb when, taiwan shows started to come in, hongkong dramas became more common, newly found talents on the talent shows were not really acting :X not too sure either, that felt so long ago. then suddenly i stopped watching tv. or rather just did not watch it that much. :( i think from then i started to become very english? hahah as in, indulged more in english stuff. i wonder if that actually played a role in my declining chinese results. :O

no matter if i go left or right, i'd always come back to your love.

2009-10-25T21:36:00.009+08:00

can't believe i'm actually missing training. missing as in, really not turning up and well, missing it.
不想再有遗憾，不想带着泪离球场，不想再对不起别人、更不想对不起自己。

can't think of anything to say, anything to feel. ugh my throat feels dry/horrible. note: saliva is not a biological lubricant.

my all time favourite, can't ever get sick of it. :D

Michelle Branch - Goodbye To You
Of all the things I believe in
I just want to get it over with
tears from behind my eyes
but I do not cry
Counting the days that past me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Looks like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend and I say

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I love
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems like I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Ohhh yeah
It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and I want whats mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

We the stars fall and I lie awake
Your my shooting star

quasimodo

2009-10-24T18:01:00.005+08:00

it's such a torture to watch everything so slowly on youtube now. watching the disney version of the hunchback of notre dame, but it loads like a snail T_T

animefreak is alot alot better. good quality too. but, i dun have any particular anime to watch now. as in, i have no idea what to watch. i need something exciting. love stories dun seem to appeal to me anymore. :O taiwan dramas are... not exactly what i;m looking for. i need some action, something interesting, something that involves some fantasy, yet includes the humanity/emotions that ties the whole show back to reality.

come to think of it, the hunchback of notre dame will involve some love anyway.

---
The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Laverne: [to Quasimodo] Take it from an old spectator. Life's not a spectator sport. If watchin' is all you're gonna do, then you're gonna watch your life go by without ya.

it wasnt too bad la actually. :D wanted to watch anastasia, but i think it got taken off youtube alr. sigh shld have watched it when i had the chance!

like light and shadow

2009-10-23T22:40:00.005+08:00

new ending~ :D not the full song though. although it doesnt have the imagery sort of lyrics, i thought the song itself was nice enough. :)

aha this is the full song. hehehe but the ending was so clear, i can't help not posting it up too.

Lil' B - Tsunai Da Te
Even if we part and meet again, i want to meet at this place
Then we'll hold hands to ensure that we'll never be separated again
We used to talk all night until the sun rose
And held hands till the sun went down the horizon
Let's walk together like this forever, like light and shadow
I stare in the city, staring off into space with lonely eyes
I can't find warmth on my own
By meeting you, i realized
How much strength could give me
Even if we part and meet again, i want to meet at this place
Then we'll hold hands to ensure that we'll never be separated again
I can't sleep by myself cause i can't dream without you
So take me to a place where uncertainty can't reach us
And let us bring light to the night sky with no stars
So as long as you're with me, i can go to world's end
Even if it's a path i can't walk on my own
If you're by my side i can walk it while humming a tune

too bad i'm not in love, can't appreciate the lyrics properly. i wonder if ppl in love would do this kind of things anyway. whenever i see (young, very young)couples at public areas, i can't help notice the way they dress first, then realise what they do is almost always the same, esp on mrts. the guy is always... guys la, how different can they dress, then the girl is the kind who wear tank tops plus fbts to where ever they go. feels like it la, look at how many ppl wearing like that, at shopping malls, mrts, neighbourhoods, ahh i dunno, i think i see one or two at alot of places. aiya can't really judge one by their fashion sense, not saying that kind of outfit is awful or anything, but it's so common now.... it reminds me of uniforms. UNIforms, got UNI ma, UNIfies the ppl. ah then the way they act, hmm the less touchy ones are fine la, hold hands/waist/dunno where. the more touchy ones are like.... wah you buying meat ah, touch here touch there.

oh well, i have no prior experience, who am i to judge? if you're offended by the above paragraph, my apologies.

anyway, i got b4 for chinese!!! um, wasnt exactly my aim in the first place, but after getting back p2, i lowered my goal. but seriously got to work harder on it lor. jiayou for the last one! :)

dormant

2009-10-22T18:46:00.002+08:00

就如没消息就是好消息，没感觉也是个好感觉。

i was wondering why i was feeling so weird. turns out i forgot to go check if there's gossip girl! it really feels like a friday today. i want to sleep until the end of tmr...

inline skating was ok. much easier to learn than cycling hahaha. it's all abt wheels this year! and i'm glad i did it!

almost got back chinese p1 results. then chen lao shi suddenly disappeared. so we didnt manage to get them back. i thought this was funny, some guys went out to see if chen lao shi's car was still around, then came back after a while to say they dunno which is his car hahaha. played uno while waiting. pretty sick of the last round. couldnt get my turn or put alot of cards when it's finally my turn cos of the reverse/skips/draw cards here and there zzzzzzzzzzzz. totally broke my winning streak. i realised i get alot of lousy cards when i sit near the guys hahaha. must be some curse la. but still, i guess it was ok. sometimes i think uno can draw ppl tgt more. :D oh ya tongyao was super funny during the game.

really feel like cutting my hair. the dry ends and disturbing fringe... i think if the fringe continues to grow, some weird shape/curve will form. :(

anyway, school is going to end soon. definitely doesnt feel like it. :(

light up the sky

2009-10-21T20:19:00.004+08:00

i'm still fearing my grades for chinese. but i gotta pull myself tgt and convince myself that it's not the end!!!!!~ i'm feeling a bit more comfortable speaking chinese and having a few thoughts in chinese, it kind of helped me rmb some of the good phrases/sentences i read before and forgot. hmm i hope this is not smth i forced myself to think actually happened. :X unknowingly, i have been sort of preparing myself for ji4 xu4 wen2... which is, not completely good or bad. ahh but still, i believe bao zhang bao dao is more impt. been reading the news... which feels quite old. as in, ris low, students studying in public areas, influx of foreigners... havent these been talked abt before? um to me it's good that they talked abt it again cos i didnt really read the news in the past, but still, the news dun feel new. well, in short, i really really hope to do well for 'o' level hcl!!! not just for personal gains, also to live up to being chinese, being from a chinese-speaking family, having brothers with not-bad-chinese till now. just realised there is alot at stake. -prays-

anyway, i forgot to include this ytd, but i guess it's ok to write it today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONGYAN!!! (20 Oct)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIARONG!!! (21 Oct)

physics was cool today. the video was so-so la. mrs lee played the guitar!!!!!!! cool cool cool :) maths was quite interesting although it took me a while to understand. must have totally switched off my brain after exams. pdp was... unusual.

想写东西的时候发现差点用错成语。:X 下次一定要注意！

天空很蓝，蓝得很年轻，朝气蓬勃~

2009-10-20T17:17:00.003+08:00

we win some, we lose some. when we hope too much, expect too much, we get hurt too much.

失败乃是成功之母。有时我们所谓的不幸不算什么。当你把你的不幸放大而无法看到真正的悲哀，你才是真的不幸。或许这只是安抚自己的话吧。

是那不知道是否真的存在的好胜心在作怪，还是我对自己的要求太高，怕自己失望，更怕让别人失望？想说但因为词穷而无话可说。

突然累了。

:O

2009-10-19T20:52:00.003+08:00

since neopets' reappearance in my life and the disappearance of my neopets account T_T and the appearance of a totally new neopets account, my life has been revolving around neopets. no blogger and no facebook and no msn conversations and no smses anymore. thus the late replies in everything and my existence on any online activity is equivalent to non-existence. wow at that! exams did not even have such an effect. in fact, during exams, it was quite the opposite.

still, it's hard to concentrate on playing without the guilt from procrastinating in making presents(ahh i'd talk abt that l8r) and in not making any contact with anything in chinese(other than the tv, which you know is useless for exams). sighhhh i have a thing for zuowens. make me panic, fumble, speechless. T_T i seem to have no memory or knowledge on how to do bao zhang bao daos alr. oh btw, that sentence spells doomsday. ever since failing that bao zhang bao dao for the first and only(till now) time, my ego has been badly bruised. T_T and of course, making me fear zuowens more.

on the brighter side, there's going to be a mock exam. i will do bao zhang bao dao for that! to prepare me, at least let me know i'll not rattle on for 2 pages plus on the wrong track. then, if all goes well, i'd polish up my language skills. :D so please make everything go well.

ahh presents. every time i try to diy presents out, there's always a high chance of failing. i tried twice today! i'm glad for some shops existing. ok shall go wrap them up l8r~

毒书, du2 shu1

2009-10-16T17:52:00.007+08:00

The Script - None The Wiser
Live today like there’s no tomorrow
We sell our souls and our time is borrowed
We stole from heaven now there's hell to pay

So we better hope there’s something higher
Were getting old and were none the wiser
We better hope there’s something higher
Cos were getting old and were none the wiser
None the wiser…

We fill our minds up but our hearts are hollow
We hate the truth cos it’s so hard to swallow
Were just for what we do not what we say

So we better hope there’s something higher
Cos were getting old and were none the wiser
So we better hope there’s something higher
Cos were getting old and were none the wiser
None the wiser….

Tell me how long must we ride this roller-coaster
Tell me how long till were back on solid ground
Cos if we don’t stop to look a little closer
Whenever I see you, whenever I see you, you slow me down
Before our hearts before our hearts how much can we take?
Before we die before we die how much can we break?
Can we break…

So we better hope there's something higher
Cos were getting old and were none the wiser

And what we don’t know now we’ll never know
And what we don’t show now we’ll never show
And what we don’t know now we’ll never know
And what we don’t show now we’ll never show
And what we don’t know now we’ll never know
And what we don’t show now we’ll never show
And what we don’t know now we’ll never know
And what we don’t show now we’ll never show

i'm glad i can move my ankle more now! :D just feels a little weak, either cos i'm scared to exert too much strength or it's really weak. the bruising looks... bigger now, i suppose that's a sign of healing. i wonder if zambak can help. aiyah, zambak is so multi-purpose. hmm so just apply lor. anyway, i hope it'd be well by next thurs! :) then i'd probably still be able to have the last 2 pe lessons with the class hahaha.

actually you know what, i may just miss the class a little, when everything(the school year, buffet, chalet etc) is over. perhaps it's cos i'm afraid of new environments, but aiyah you know la! it has never been fun to say goodbye in any way. :O but i'd leave all these talking for another post, much later i guess. we still got abt 2 weeks left! to complain, whine, hear ppl whine, talk, crap, stone when ppl ask us stuff, stone somemore when ppl tell us we're unresponsive, have occasional mass toilet breaks, have mass sleeping on tables sessions, heart attack, ji-gou-ba, enjoy the air-con...

speaking of next thurs(the sports activity day), me and kathy genuinely thought we were so lucky to get into inline skating cos we went to sign up after the deadline and put inline skating as the first choice. turns out, apparently inline skating was the leng3 men2 choice and ppl who didnt make their choices were assigned to that. -.- in a way, we're lucky? hahaha, anyway just hope my ankle heal by then. :D

results are quite ok. in fact, really quite good to me alr hahahaha! now my one and only worry is chinese. i mean, got higher chinese 'O' level leh. i'd feel so insecure if i dun really do well this time. :( and i dunno if chalet will still be within my reach if i dun do well or smth sighhhhhh. -prays- i want an 'A' for 'O' levels higher chinese! and that all my good luck wont be used up!!!!!

好了，我去读报纸了.

rewrite

2009-10-14T17:05:00.002+08:00

1. i learnt to cycle! um, good enough to travel for a short distance without much bending. :D

2. i feel like i was involved in a fight. as in, my body aches like shit now, not much due to the latic acid/fatigue, more because of the wounds and blue blacks and THE sprain. see, so much effort put into learning!

ok let's elaborate. went out on marking day to ECP with some 4E ppl. then went to learn how to cycle. i feel quite bu hao yi si to cause kathy to keep teaching la, but at the same time, i'm super grateful!!!! wah i think she has quite a high tolerance level actually. and hahahaha i convinced hanni to learn with me. she's very pro now, even better than me! :D and also yongen, won't forget you for teaching too! although you dunno how to cycle, you know how to teach LOL and provided first aid service too! next time when i'm more stable and confident in cycling, i'd double-bike you! :D heheh and of course some other guys too la, chikan jingzhan shawn tongyao, for helping for a while, somehow. :D

i guess usually ppl fall before they learn, i learnt before i fall. and then the gear went loose(?) ah, the chain thingy. and i sprained my ankle. :( actually i think it's the first time i sprained something haha, really unforgettable and painful. feels a little stupid when i went to google for "sprained ankle treatments" and they tell me i can do light exercises like cycling LOL. luckily there's this patch/plaster/tape thing at home that can help to heal sprains, doubles as medicine and tape hehehehe really cool. and it gives a warm(?) sensation/minty feeling/refreshing(???) feeling after you put it on for a while. plus the feeling lasts for quite a while! ok, really really long while, feels useful. :) hope at least the swelling will go down soon...

ah just feels like there's alot of blue blacks. and weird muscle aches in the arms zzzz. weird right, you cycle with your legs. i guess i was so tense that i held the handles so freaking tightly and i ended up using so much force that blisters grew and muscles ached. plus the other foot feels a little strange too. no sprain(thankfully!) but i keep having the feeling like i'm going to get toe cramps or something. just feels weird when i move the foot around. :O hahaha come to think of it, i think i used alot of energy ytd to try not to fall too badly and balancing myself as i nearly fall each time and picking up the fallen bike. i presume it's the main reason for the aches and pains and injuries and "sexy"(um smeared with i dunno how much grease) legs.

oh well, in conclusion, i completed THE i-must-be-crazy-to-be-so-persistent-to-learn-to-cycle course. honestly, i dunno what got into me to be so persistent in learning how to cycle, but... i'm glad i did what i did. :)

ok, more abt the outing. well, it was ok, playing with cards was kind of fun. :D mr zong came after a while. :D i think sometimes, our class isnt that horrible. sometimes, there is some good in them. sometimes. LOL i realised that's all i got to say for the outing. oh yeah, the bus trip was ok la. and i just rmb songyan havent do her forfeit!!!

and i get all caught up in you once again

2009-10-11T00:58:00.004+08:00

it's so easy to spend time like this. this is called 无忧无虑! :D

despite the fact that the laptop's mousepad(er should be called that i guess) is really really lousy and my finger can hurt from using it, you can't deny that life is still good with a computer. plus i high-scored in bejeweled blitz. although it seems like everyone is la, due to the improvements. but still, before i was overtaken once again by many many people, there was still a moment of satisfaction. :D eh not easy to play bejeweled blitz without a mouse you know!

sigh, btw it feels like everything/one, the only thing/one i was avoiding is rebounding back.

我想如果要华文进步就得多读多写。说不定我有时动不动emo时，情绪培养“对”时，还可以用华文表达出呢！刚才想尝试用打华文字的功能来把emo打出来时，万万没想到打出来的是“恶魔”两个字。不觉得有点邪门吗？仔细想想看，让自己的心情低落，也其实瞒像坠入个无底洞。别人拯救不了你，只有靠自己才能爬出那个洞。我们要知道，当你在那个洞里时，外面的人看不见你，但困在里面的你一定看得到洞外的光。说来说去最好还是不要因为“恶魔”而跌入那个洞是最好的啦！:D

heee maybe next time when i blog id include some chinese! hahah anyway no one (i only told yongen abt the new url~) reads this so nth to be embarrassed abt if my chinese turns out weird.

neopets was fun and i got reminded of a few things. first, i forgot abt so many games! hasee bounce~ can't seem to ever play keyquest properly w/o interruptions or technical problems. :( second, i rmb my account was hacked during last year's christmas. T_T and then, lastly, i went to the shop and rmb the security password i set(due to the hacking...) sigh. hmm how should i put this, actually what the password was supposed to be had a certain significance, until i realised i got it wrong. but nevertheless, the numbers were right! i had you in mind. :O

the feelings should have gone away but you came back.

let it all out

2009-10-10T14:44:00.010+08:00

Miho Fukuhara - Let It All Out
Let it all out, let it all out
There's no need to pretend everything's alright
Stone carvings show the flowers
Swaying gently in a nonexistent breeze
Can you see?

Nobody has the power
To look inside and see their true selves
Even if we will both lose and gain
While we are traveling on this long, long road

And even though there may be times when
Loneliness will strike and make us cry

Take all your pain
All your tears
To make them in to stars
Turn on the light
To shine upon tomorrows waiting path

We'll all hold our hands together
and we'll try to gather up some stardust
So eternity will be shining forever on

Although I may always be unable to avoid farewells
The seasons will continue to change time and time again
Even if I were to lose myself
I will keep keep going onward to walk by your side
That's the one thing that I hope will never change

um, i can't be sure the lyrics are correctly translated. sigh, one of the times when i regret not taking up jap in sec 1... i had the chance!!!!! nevertheless, i guess the idea is there. :) dont you think alot of jap songs' lyrics(um those i know) are like always very imagery. always gives me the dreamy feeling. i think it'd be cool if more english songs can inject such a feeling through the lyrics.

after the exams i think my english standard has suddenly dropped. having problems expressing myself. bear with it for the time being! anyway, EXAMS ARE (unofficially) OVER! left with cid.

actually i shld start researching alr la. managed to catch up with some shows and some manga chapters. ok, one show and one manga's chapters. i was expecting more productivity from me! but aiya, spent abt 4 hours out for dinner ytd, how much can i do with one short short afternoon. you see, want to spend the afternoon to relax is alr such a difficulty, can you imagine the afternoons during the exam period? you dun have to imagine to know actually, it sucked la. it was massive re-reading, re-studying, re-memorizing and re-getting fed up. 4 simple Rs to get you through the exam week! i bet many more ppl use the 4 Rs than the 3 Rs in saving the environment. come to think of it, i was saving the environment during exams too!!! i used the computer less, watched less tv, slept earlier(meaning i switched the lights off early), used rough paper to help in revision and i will be throwing the used rough paper into the recycling bin soon! wow, make that 7 Rs during the exam week :D heee. hopefully, the 7 Rs will not be wasted!!!!!!

um, thought of some weird random things these days.
1. i wonder how the women in Lost got by. i mean, dont the thing come every month? and i dun think they will pack like one year's worth of pads on a flight right. aiya maybe it's disgusting to think abt that, but... seriously.

2. how did the primative people get by without proper dental care? like, i dont think they had toothbrushes or dentists... so was it enough to gurgle after every meal(if they do) to have healthy teeth/ teeth that at least dont decay.

3. why am i thinking of so many hygiene related stuff?

4. what happens to the expired food in supermarkets? ok this is related to cid lor, waste management.

i hope i can express myself properly next post, cant stop stumbling over words now. :( i wonder how long this blogskin can last me. i could never stand bright colours and dark backgrounds for long, thus the always-white-background-and-black-words skins. :O

cos cold nostalgia chills me to the bone

2009-10-02T13:14:00.003+08:00

why does it feel like ages since i came here when it's only been a week or so? sigh, spent the week studying(i dunno if it was useful... but i guess even if the results dun turn out pretty i shld deserve some credit too). super tired, maths today and i was an insomniac ytd. i dreamt of maths too. i totally hate being careless. to me, carelessness is more unforgivable than not knowing how to do in maths. it's the same feeling as seeing a word in the vocab section of lang arts compre, knowing you've seen it, used it, heard it excessively, yet unable to explain it. how shld i call this feeling... ah yes, the i-want-to-stab-myself-in-the-heart feeling. my only hope of making up the marks lost due to carelessness is the bonus, which seems wrong, so... i really shld accept that the marks are gone -echoes: gone gone goooooonnnneeee~- and move on. hcl paper 1 and chem paper on mon. sucks sucks sucks. starting to have phobia of writing chinese compos. wo dui bu qi jiao guo wo de lao shi men. i rmb loving chinese, loving, really! i looked forward to chinese lessons, cos i know it's the only lesson i could really feel free and express myself. somehow now... the feeling is gone. hmm perhaps i'm used to the learning-chinese-words-and-making-up-sentences lessons than ahh-yes-come-on-lets-analyse-this-essays. sometimes i feel a little ashamed for being chinese cos of my chinese standard now. shld do something abt it? even if it's not for the grades, i think i shld. i think i'd study bio for the day, do as much as i can. then tmr i shall study chem, make sure i understand everything. if time permits, shall continue with geog. having second thoughts abt wanting to take physics next year. what if i screw up super ultra badly and no one wants me in the science field. my chem is, uh not very wonderful either. yeah if my maths isnt too lousy i'd still have something to fall back on. but then my career paths will be cut down, and i think if i rely on maths i'd probably end up doing office work(ahhh no i dun want) or smth. i dunno where my life is heading. am i doing well for other ppl, for grades, the glory, or am i just a headless mosquito. in reality, ppl judge, just on different aspects, looks and/or smarts. somehow, i feel that a part of me acknowledges that and only (attempt to)do well for ppl to see. yet consciously i have to remind myself there's alot more than studies. it just that now, studies in my life is such a giant that it seems to block my view from everything else. either that, of it's alr surrounding me and i can't seem to reach to other things. in the world where comparisons are inevitable, i wonder who wont ever feel inferior.

Friday, Oct 2nd, 2009 -- You are hopeful today that your current financial condition will improve soon. Your extra efforts at work won't likely go unnoticed now, although you could get frustrated because it will probably take some time yet to be acknowledged. Don't worry about the immediate response from your associates or your boss. Focus on quietly meeting your obligations and have faith that things will turn around.

breathe

2009-09-24T16:35:00.005+08:00

final lap;
run like never before.

p.s. for tmr...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUIJIE!!!!!!!!!!! :)
haha my best friend from primary school(till now) :D though we dun talk as much now, we'd always be friends yeah? :)

i can't integrate! :(

2009-09-19T16:07:00.003+08:00

1. must finish coordinate geometry today, continue (and finish, must try la) chem. fyi, for maths i did like only the circled qns for alot of topics. which i have to admit is meagre, insufficient, and doesnt make me feel anymore confident in any way esp since it's not like i know how to do every single one of them.

EOYS are coming.... like a ghost, it haunts me. for once, it really makes me feel at a loss. loss/lost, any word will just mean something negative. once i can do a maths qn, the next time i attempt it again, i can't, or barely can.

it feels as though there's a flood in my head, a mess. i can't clear it up. i know there are impt stuff in there, but i can't seem to be able to filter them out. just stuck there, and i;m worried that they wont "come out" during the exams.

i want to do really really well so that i can really enjoy the post-exams-benefits. wanting is one thing, doing is another. also, doing can be split into doing it right and wrong.

CAN'T STOP PANICKING. i shld seriously consider isolating myself. seeing others work so hard(and able to rmb so many things!!!!!!!!) is like a horror movie. :(

the feeling of sound

2009-09-16T16:25:00.002+08:00

insomnia... slept for 4 hours plus? yeah yeah i know some ppl sleep less. but i can't stand the feeling. hanni and kathy said old ppl tend to have insomnia more. :(

can't wait for the horrible exams to be over. i think i can say goodbye to qingdao T_T my bro said 1800 is actually quite ex for 2 weeks. urgh irritating headache.

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok

slowly

2009-09-15T18:26:00.002+08:00

i really shouldnt be here. esp since it's a no-cca-tues, i should be making full use of the day and revising. 2 more topics and i'm done with last year's chem! yes yes i can finish it today, go go go! sorry to say, i'm the typical kiasu singaporean. i'm definitely not good at hugging the buddha's leg, hence the early panicking. plus i still have that dunno when will happen forum(which i totally regret agreeing to). it's like some bomb which you dunno when will go off.

Tuesday, Sep 15th, 2009 -- The Moon in your 7th House of Partners can highlight a problem you are having within an intimate or business relationship. It's likely that you cannot see things as they truly are, for your imagination has overtaken reality. But you cannot just pull back to a safe place because your judgment isn't as sharp as usual. Don't push too hard for any sort of change now; just let the process happen at its own rate.

you know, i actually thought that was quite true! it feels like a paiseh thing to talk about too. i found myself in this very dreamy mood. where i fantasized(in a way) about alot of things. which are totally impossible i tell you. urgh feel like slapping myself when i think about it. saddest line in the horoscope - you cannot see things as they truly are, for your imagination has overtaken reality.

urgh. i think i ate too much weird stuff today. @.@

truths

2009-09-13T19:33:00.003+08:00

To obtain, something of equal value must be lost.

i like to believe that, but it's disheartening to know that it's not always true. there is no one law that governs the world. (so just strike off anything i used to say about equality)

anyway, today is last day of the school holidays. depressing. although the holidays turned out worse than normal school days, but still.... haiya i bet i will say that holidays are better than school days after a few days.

...

perhaps it's because i no longer yearn for it.

chocolates

2009-09-12T17:05:00.002+08:00

holidays are coming to an end, last 2 days already. how time flies. thoroughly did not enjoy these holidays. even though i decided to 罢工 (correct or not) ytd, i still had to 罢工with the guilt of not doing much. T_T hmm, i finished geog ytd, could finally strike something off the list. you see and tell me, where got ppl 罢工until so failure la. i thought ytd i was on the verge of giving up. i thought i did, but i guess i didnt, judging by the fact that i still did a crumb of hw(got this kind of 比喻?). feels like the holidays were worse than school days. hmm i guess you can say partly the reason why i couldnt work very well these holidays is that i had trouble doing the revision papers. which also means that i'm probably having/going to have trouble in the exams liao. trouble doing them as in, i dunno how to do! wahlao. even maths is pitting itself against me.

i think i always feel insecure about my relationships. relationships as in, you know, normal people to people interaction. so i guess you can say i feel insecure about my social life in general.

hmm a little sense of comfort now is that, i finished the surds and indices part of the revision paper 1 completely, except for the 2 qns of the same type. dun be mistaken, i've done other parts of the revision papers too hahaha, i'm still... the person you know me as. to mark the end of the sept holidays, i hereby start the revision for the coming maths test the school had planned on the first day of school, to mark the start of the new term. sorry la long sentence, i think the structure's a little haywired too.

now that i think about it, i was crazy in thinking that it was probably possibly perhaps maybe a tiny bit of chance in finishing the revision papers. now, i have no intention in finishing them. if i know how to do (all/most of)them, i think i'm happy enough. maybe we shldnt always jump straight into the run and hope to reach the end miraculously.

some chocolates can do me good now. :)

bring me back to my favourite memory

2009-09-11T10:05:00.004+08:00

The world is beautiful because it's not perfect.

i finally finished watching fma. and i watched the movie before i finished the 1st series. -.- nevertheless, i think it's one of the best shows i've watched. i truly admire the characters. :)

the good thing abt waking up early is that you feel that you can afford to spend some times to spoil yourself. although i think that's what holidays are meant for in the first place! but now.... i feel like slacking the rest of the day away alr.

for once i really feel like running away. all these talk abt how impt the eoys are (for us), and how other ppl are panicking/or managing to not panic cos they mug is... honestly scaring me. and the term 3 results arent very helpful either. the stack of revision papers make me go weak.

i fear i have the fear-exams syndrome. and then the more i fear that it's true and that it'd act up. T_T esp after a teacher asked me if it's always like that during exams(after viewing my midyears results for that subject). well, it just happened once... but it's scary enough.

who never feared failing. actually we never feared that. we feared what's going to happen cos if that. blah blah i'd drag into the "society's influence on young people" talk again if i carry on. '

so sick of studying. i want to run away.

i just finished one geog exercise and i feel like i saved the world. been blog hopping, then realised i didnt have alot to hop to. listening to lifehouse now, but i dun really know what he's rambling abt.

他们说这是最后的冲刺，但如果你真的不想跑，连用滚得都不愿意，你就在起点输了吗？

the past you can't throw away

2009-09-09T19:20:00.004+08:00

sometimes i think some shows are really thought provoking. :) totally love shows like that. havent watched one like this for ages though. film is used to relay a message/provoke thinking or plentiful of emotions in the viewers. if it can't then the show isnt really worthed watching.

You can't ever throw away your past

hehehe today has been quite productive i think. "ytd i was very chem, today i'm very physics." as i quote myself la huh. for phy i'm left with 1 phy paper 1, 1 phy section c, half of another phy section c. yay~ i didnt know the prowess of je library till today. crowded like dunno what.... before the library opened.

i dunno why but this song triggers alot of interest in me.

The All American Rejects - The Wind Blows
I've got to breathe
You can't take that from me
Cause it's all that you left that's mine
You had to leave
And that's all I can see
But you told me your love was blind

There are times
You're so impossible that I should sign a waiver
And you will find
Someone worth walking on when you ask me to go

(Chorus)
I'll leave when the wind blows
Take a breath and there it goes
I'll be outside of your window
I'll pass by but I'll go slow
I'll leave when the wind blows

There was a day
You threw our love away
Then you passed it to someone new
You wanna stay
But since you wanna play
We can finally say we're through

There are times you're so impossible and you ask me to go

(Chorus)
I'll leave when the wind blows
Take a breath and there it goes
I'll be outside of your window
I'll pass by but I'll go slow
I'll leave when the wind blows

You can scream there's just echoes
Pass outside of your window
You'll be sad that you let me go
I'll leave but just know

As I lay in solitude
Oh What's a boy supposed to do
I Shake the very thought of you
Me together, I remember
Late nights when I stayed up late
All I do is wait and wait
Your never coming home to me
That's the hardest thing to see

I got to breathe
You can't take that from me
We can finally say we're through

(Chorus)
I'll leave when the wind blows
Take a breath and there it goes
I'll be outside of your window
I'll pass by but I'll go slow
I'll leave when the wind blows

You can scream there's just echoes
Pass outside of your window
You'll be sad that you let me go
On every face you'll ever know
And everywhere you ever go
You'll feel when the wind blows

doctor jones

2009-09-07T09:34:00.005+08:00

back from cca, i think i can hit the sack alr zzz. so much to do..... :( today is officially the start of the hols but why do i have that panicky feeling alr. so much to do..................... i want to eat meat. oooh i smell wine chicken. :)

不是对不起，是加油___!!!!!!!!

-
shall do some work after this post and before i go for training. D:

but first.... drum rolls...... a quiz! i bet i done this before it's been quite long alr. i got a new range of songs! :) plus it's a music quiz heehehehe.
RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, mp3 player, etc on shuffle. (For iTunes, switch to mini player [Ctrl + M])
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 15 friends (or more!)
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

*Try not to repeat songs!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Aqua - Barbie (i'm a barbie girl, in my barbie world. life is plastic, it's fantasic.~)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Karsh Kale - One Step Beyond (this is my bro's jap song... i dunno the meaning. but the title sounds promising!)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
The Corrs - Joy Of Life (hehe ya the pursuit of happiness!)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Take That - Never Forget (hmm sometimes)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Avril Lavigne - My World (wow hahahahaha so honoured~)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Taylor Swift - Fearless (lol ok la)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
S Club 7 - You're My Number One (what is love, cos baby i don't know, i've got a funny feeling in my heart.~)

WHAT IS 2+2?
5ive - Keep On Movin' (zzzzz)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me (omg so possessive!)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Michael Learns To Rock - That's Why(You Go Away) (so sad.... T_T)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Craig David - Seven Days (zzzzzzz)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Westlife - Mandy (LOLLLLLLLLLLL)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
The Moffatts - Until You Loved Me

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
The Corrs - Humdrum (nice song?)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Busted - Everything I Knew (wah miss me ah)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Blue - Curtains Fall (lol i sound like a laundry woman)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Spice Girls - Wannabe (not true for those close to me la, the rest -hmm also dunno counted friends- i can't guarantee :P)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Boyzone - Picure Of You (i had a picture of you in my mind, never knew it would be so wrong, why it took me so long just to find, the friend that was there all along.~ yes yes.)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
LFO - Every Other Time (HAHAHA)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Aqua - Happy Boys & Girls (so saddist!)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Smash Mouth -Can't Get Enough Of You

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Switchfoot - Stars (hoho love the song, doesnt match the qn at all)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
S Club 7 - Two In A Million (hmmm probability of striking toto?)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Take That - Shine (yeah i'd shine bright)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Spice Girls - Goodbye (lol maybe.... maybe not)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Aqua - Doctor Jones

ok study study!

perfection will not come

2009-09-06T12:56:00.005+08:00

Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

i thought there was no training for us during the hols. turns out there is. i think it slotted nicely into my schedule. except that it's in the afternoon! i used to like afternoon trainings. urgh but now cos it's the fei1 chang2 shi2 qi1 aka study-holidays(spot the oxymoron). suddenly it seems like there's no way i'd be able to finish the revision papers. the light at the end of the tunnel is blocked. :(

actually the past 2 days hasnt been very productive either. i finished the easier pieces of hw. and havent start on the revision papers yet. hate hate hate revision papers BEFORE revising.
-

heeeeee :D I CAN'T BELIEVE MY LUCK. -jumps around in joy- m1 waviered the charges for the new sim card(the person said next time will charge le la, but there won't be a next time for you to charge me~)! woooooohooooooooooooooooo saved the 18 dollars worthed of guilt. although yeah i still feel ultra stupid for being able to spoil the sim card. :X nonetheless, waivered charges leh! I LOVE M1. <3 oh yeah my mum seems to be in a super good mood these days. can't believe i didnt get scolded at all(before i was told the card is free). she was still commenting on how lucky she is to not use LG phones. :O

things i did today:
1) wake up at 11am heheh
2) worry
3) worry some more
4) did a bit of hw - maths, geog, chem (it's never ending i tell you! plus i didnt exactly finish them)
5) went out to get the new card, wait for my bro to run his errands
6) go m1 shop
7) free sim card!~~~~
8) expelled all the guilt and worry
9) re-add some numbers from the inbox
10) thinking of the best way to retrieve the rest of the numbers

what a fruitful day. ok so i lost alot of numbers. hope some kind souls will start smsing me their names and numbers. to people(yongen songyan kathy gen) who read my blog, dun worry i got all your numbers. :D i just realised i have a pathetic readership haha. nvm i like.

can't believe myself

2009-09-05T18:10:00.007+08:00

time and again, i tell myself the things i shldnt do. however, the list of stupid things i can think of comes to no end and some how, once in a while, i do something stupid that i haven't thought of and left out in the list. this time, i spoilt my own sim card. T_T there, i said it. at least next time when something like that happen to someone else, i can say "been there, done that". another thing to make my 16th(not very smooth sailing) year live up to its name i suppose.

lesson learnt: dun anyhow meddle with the security settings of the phone, even if you do, and get lost in it, and totally freak out, call for help. i used to have the mentality that in terms of technology/techonological stuff, you will find your way out by anyhow pressing. WRONG WRONG WRONG I TELL YOU. sometimes, we got to raise the white flag and surrender, and probably risk being mocked at ultimately(it turned out that i wouldnt if i had asked apparently... ): ). now, a tragedy has happened. today we gather here for the passing on of the old sim card.

post-tragedy is always the worst. when you do something, it's only bad because of its consequences. thought maybe i can secretly get a new card/fix it w/o letting the higher authority(aka parents) knowing, with the help of the always-sarcastic-but-always-there-and-somehow-have-money brother. then we called m1, then they said i need a new card, and i need the subscriber to go down to sign. i was taken aback by the news, but at the same time, partially thankful that the subscriber was my mother, who is not overseas now. and who probably would cause me to feel less miserable even though she may nag abit abt the money needed for the sim card.

well, she called in the afternoon cos she thought i off-ed my phone. had to break the news, i dunno if she heard the need-to-pay-18-dollars part. but i told her 我按到那个sim card坏掉. hope she caught everything i said on the phone, so that i won't have to repeat the whole thing and go through the whole guilty cycle again. hmmm and SUPER LUCKILY, i didnt get scolded at all. V(^^)V yes, i must have done something really good in my past life.

NOTE OF REMINDER: next time if you trespass the security settings and somehow press until the phone asked for your pin/puk number, and using zeroes doesnt work, call your service provider.

p.s. i'm not going to use LG phones(after this one) anymore. >:(

the fact that i'm uncontactable by any form of telecommunication isnt that bad afterall. could concentrate more on my work. although i feel a little lost cos i needed to contact some people and the numbers are in the sim card and they aren't online. after the tragedy and post-tragedy, i started to feel really bad abt myself. when things start to go wrong, i always try to look away, wait and hope that everything will suddenly be ok. and it makes me despise myself sometimes. why can't i ever face a problem straight in my face. so many times i have saw what i wanted to see, heard what i wanted to hear, thought what i wanted to think.... i got to learn to face up to everything i don't want to.

holidays always make me feel a little touchy too. :'( makes me think more and maybe a little too much sometimes. hope this hols will be put to good use. :) looking forward to tues/wed(i think it's be like a day for me to spam qns), although by then it will be the middle of the hols and i will start to get restless. this is considered an old song, but it's really good at the same time.

Michelle Branch - Goodbye To You
Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

[Chorus:]
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

[Chorus]

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

[Chorus x2]

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star

lost in confusion

2009-09-02T20:25:00.005+08:00

after pe today, only one leg has been aching from the running(2.4km). i seriously slowed down, by abt one round's timing. but anyway, i'm in the fit group ~yeah yeah~ games. had a short day, i suppose. waking up at 5.30 was draining, pe was even more draining. so today... was draining. oh yeah, got back report card too, drained even more energy.

i realised, mondays dun make me particularly upset. in fact, i guess no day would ever make me feel that way(usually), unless i have to wake up dang early and/or go to school. so even if it's a wednesday, it's equally capable of making me feel so tired/disgusted/sad.

this term was quite crazy. almost everyone got 3.9 or 3.8. i got 3.6...... but strangely i feel fine. i know what i've done for the past term. -shrugs-. sigh, next term will be even crazier.

sometimes i think the more i try to glue up the bits and pieces of my life with optimism, all the more the lines of weaknesses show. right now i just want to roll on (clean and dry) grass and just forget the world.

can't embed, so shall just post up the link. the fray - NEVER SAY NEVER! :) and the xylophone sounds really really soothing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLdcTUvB2hc

equivalent exchange

2009-08-31T18:23:00.008+08:00

this is the plot for the book for the girl who leapt through time. hmm based on this alone, the film seems to be way more exciting. anyway, probably shall go find the book some times during the (eoy) hols? :D

Kazuko Yoshiyama a third-year junior high school student is cleaning the school science lab with her classmates Kazuo Fukamachi and Gorō Asakura, when she smells a lavender-like scent and faints. After three days, strange events transpire around Kazuko, including the burning of Gorō's house after an earthquake. The next morning, at the exact moment of a car accident, Kazuko is transported 24 hours into the past.

She relives the day and relates her strange experience to Kazuo and Gorō. They don't believe her at first, but they are convinced when she accurately predicts the earthquake and ensuing fire. Fukushima, their science teacher, explains Kazuko's new ability is called "teleportation" and "time-leap", and to solve the riddle of her power she must leap back four days.

Finally, Kazuko's determination enables her to make the leap. Back in the science room she meets a mysterious man who has assumed her friend Kazuo's identity. He is really "Ken Sogoru", a time-traveler from AD 2660. His intersection with the girl's life is the accidental effect of a 'time-leaping' drug. Ken remains for a month and Kazuko falls in love with him. When he leaves, he erases all memories of himself from everyone he's met, including Kazuko. As the book ends Kazuko has the faint memory of somebody promising to meet her again every time she smells lavender.

btw, been watching fullmetal alchemist. hahaha finished like 10 episodes today... that's like 5 hours. i'm really slow at watching stuff -_-" i trying hard alr ok! so now i finished episode 33. so that's 18 more till the end of the first season. fyi i never got to finish the story. :O and i think i may go watch fringe(recommended by huishan) after i finish this. seems interesting.

oh yeah there was this episode which made me feel really weird. like really, maybe it was touching. :X it's super long if i were to account it. but it really showed how deep a mother's love can be, how we jump into conclusions, how much we dunno, how a matter can be viewed so very differently. more often than not, what we see isnt the truth.

Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of equivalent exchange. In those days we really believed that to be the world's one and only truth.

hahaha random, but i felt that it made alot of sense, although it may not seem applicable to everything.

anyway, it's teachers' day today, so happy teachers' day! the celebrations were ok.... my ears were numb after all the screaming(from on-stage). the 'nobody' performance was good though. :)

went home with hanni(wow wow wow hehe) yongen and kathy. talked abt stuff with kathy, couldnt agree more. over the 2 years, i felt that i really changed. perhaps for the good? i know i made so many mistakes i cringe when i think abt them, but at least i'm more accepting of them alr. it just struck me that maybe i shld view the world as a whole in a different light. the idea struck me even more after watching anime for 5 hours straight(oh btw, i totally understand why anime can impact ppl so much, it's indescribable). actually, sometimes anime feels like a representation of what we want, action, dreams, romance, comedy.... sometimes it's also what we get, loss, deaths, guilt, hatred, anger.... it encompasses so many things. most importantly, it lets us view things as an outsider. probably more objective?

suddenly life feels so short. :O and i have the urge to say how i feel. :O just, dun want this 1/4 of my life time to be.... just so. i know i'm watching/have watched too much drama, although i'm still under so many restrictions(urghhhhh)...... the efficiency of my life ought to increase. by that i dun mean the quantity of stuff generated out of the 16 years(basic knowledge, common sense, studies), i meant more like the quality of life. sometimes i wonder if that's the spiritual health thing. like, how you are happy with your life. it just feels like there's so many things wating for me to do.

my mum used to tell me shi2 jian1 lao3 ren2 bu4 deng3 ren2 de, aka time waits for no one(wooohoooo the girl who leapt through time) but it seems so hard to really make good use of our time. like today, i did nth but come up with this "thoughtful" post and watch 5hrs of anime.

(^o^) felt like there's a need to put one smiley, since the post seems so... dark.

the fray

2009-08-30T18:53:00.005+08:00

actually i didnt have anything to blog abt today. but i kept listening to the fray, actually just 3 songs, and i felt like i shld talk abt them.

1) Look After You. i dun really like the guy's voice and i heard the song alot alot alot of times after i got it in my comp, but i tell you, it's still as good as ever!~ and the lyrics, it's a must see plus must know! if someone dedicates this song to me, i;m be super super happy and touched, cos the lyrics is so meaningful! :) esp this verse:

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

partly cos it's true for the first line, and it makes me feel great plus it's like i can really make a difference to someone/ someone's life. :3 i feel like drawing hearts around the verse alr hahaha.

2) She Is. awesome song, the tune is every catchy at the start. the first impression the song gave me was that it's like a mix of the last goodbye's stay beautiful/poison kiss + some chinese song i probably heard before + switchfoot(maybe?). oh switchfoot's singer probably sings clearer. but anyway, i think what captures me most abt the song is the tune. and the story in the song is very captivating. it is not like other songs which complain complain complain abt a lost love/ unrequited love. although yeah, sometimes those songs are good too -thumbs up-. but this song is more special, it focuses more on the problems whilst in love. does distance make the heart fonder? fave verse:

It's all up in the air and we stand still to see what comes down
I don't know where it is, I don't know when, but I want you around
When it falls in place with you and I, we go from if to when
Your side and mine are both behind it's indication

3) All At Once. ahh this i feel like i can relate to. :X the uncertainty and only after looking for so long did you realise that the search is futile, and that what you got from the chase was just regrets. 2 different verses, but i thought both are good:

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

4) Never Say Never. oh yes! this one sounds even more like a chinese song! (at the beginning of the song) reminds me of jay chou -.- probably cos of the piano? seriously. too bad i'm not a fan of jay chou/listener of chinese songs, if not can probably point it out alr. but anyway, the tune is the sad kind. havent digest the song lyrics, but this one sounds cool:

There's some things we don't talk about
Rather do without
And just hold the smile
Falling in and out of love
Ashamed and proud of
But together all the while

\(^^)/

alphonse elric

2009-08-29T10:21:00.002+08:00

can't stop being such a slacker. :O this term's really been screwed. well, it looks ok, but when you see that everyone else could do so well and you lag so far behind, it's still screwed in a sense right. but this is definitely not what 我所望尘莫及的! hehe. i'm determined to work hard, DON'T STOP ME!~ BUT PLEASE DO WHEN YOU KNOW I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING THAT WILL STOP/DELAY ME FROM REACHING THE GOAL. yup yup got to start the engine!

sprained/twisted/injured my thumb ytd. i dunno which it is, but it hurts when i move my thumb back and forth. :O hurts more today(aka the next day). how long ago was that when it happened... sec 1 or 2? sigh, if i'm taller, when i tip the ball , i won't be blocked that easily. sian so many things to work on. actually it all boils down to one la, setting. at least my service is much much better but now it needs more power!

oh monday's a half day~ and tuesday is a school holiday~ but actually it becomes a study day in a way. but still, being out of school gives me a different aura all tgt alr. 8)

bulletproof

2009-08-27T20:27:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MABELYN!!!!!!!! :D
dear ex 2b tablemate(i think i sat the longest with you), stay pretty, smart, tall and happy always!
-

i really shouldnt be blogging at a time like this. at least i think i should not. but still, I HAVE TO TALK(to anyone, someone, the air).

35 more days to eoys. part of me wants to get it over and done with then relax~ probably till it's 'o' levels higher chinese or something. but then, the process(!!!!!!!!!) of even getting through these 35 days without the guilt of not studying/not studying enough or the anxiety of doomsday/judgement day ruining all the efforts i put in for the past year, is so tiring and toiling. think inertia. plus, eoys, as the name suggests, hints the end of the year. and honestly i kind of sort of maybe probably perhaps, will miss all my 4e friends. can't thank them enough for just being there. you all lit up my 4e experience! :D although everything felt super duper ultra horrible last year and i feel guilty everytime i think abt it cos as a chairperson i failed to make everything better, it's... the past i guess. everyone has bad memories. sigh, it was........ really really a bad memory. :X

today was pretty fun. took pictures with teachers! :) i hereby declare that we do have nice teachers. mr chen: "this is my zhao1 pai2 sign, no one can do it better than me! -does 2 victory signs-". when we took the candid one with mrs lee, we did the left/and right hand rule! super cool. :D then she talked abt photoshopping the photos and laughed non-stop at the bad photoshopping of dora lee's photo on the montage for the 3I overseas cip. it's super funny to see her laugh like that hehe. took with ms j and chen lao shi too. hahahahahaha. oh and our class photos were nice too! ohh the chinese test marks cheered me up alot. didnt bother to compare with others cos it'd dampen my mood haha.

Thursday, Aug 27th, 2009 -- Although it may seem as if your partner or friend is being forthright, you can't really trust your senses today. Relationships can be complicated by unexpressed feelings if others believe that you won't approve of their desires. If you want someone you love to share everything openly, you will need to demonstrate your ability to be open-minded and non-judgmental.

maybe maybe. hehehe okok study.

make or break

2009-08-26T17:37:00.009+08:00

i think i didnt sign out from blogger in this com. ahhhhhh!!!! can't be too suay la huh~

anyway, got some news from katherine. hmm and it reignited my "passion" to study. or rather, it makes me more scared and worried abt eoys, so it more likely revived my kiasu spirit. planned to slack today away actually, cos there's no more tests for the term alr. looks like i can't. DISCIPLINE~ hahaha oh yeah huishan and bryce are right, going for tuition is like paying money for others to discipline you to study.

phy test today, really hope i do well. happiness = reality/expectations, but we can never not have no expectations cos then happiness will be zero too. chill chill, steph i can make it(this term)! oh yeah got back chem prac. seriously hoped i did better than how it turned out to be. who knew bad titration results could pull down the grade by so much!??!?! at least this doesnt prove much, just proves that i'm not good at titration lor -winks at yongen :D-. so now since i can't pin my hopes on skill 3.... (so depressing) i will barely pass chem.

this term is seriously screwed. i dropped hints to my father. he said, jin4 li4 jiu4 hao3 la, dun stress. but i can't help feel a little guilty cos I DID SLACK SO MANY DAYS/WEEKS/THE MONTH AWAY.

hence, my dear friend, STRESS, is coming to visit me. -prays-

ohhhh ya guitars are super cool!!!!! some ppl in class are learning now... so coooooool! makes me want to learn too. hahahahahahhaha. but so ex :( oh yeah i think i would seriously melt if i see pro ppl play guiter(for me) hohohohoho. <3

when your existence no longer matter to me, should i rejoice or mourn?

another one of my favourites! note: this has no link to my life.

hurry up and wait

2009-08-25T17:45:00.008+08:00

just a quick update before i go flip through phy again and probably go back to do maths again.

i finished one topic of the FIRST maths revision paper! :D yes, first, i wish i can do faster too. hmmm i did the shortest topic -matrices- and skipped circular measure. since there's no way i'd be able to keep up if i follow my topic-by-topic/ step-by-step plan. decided to do the circled qns first too. hai i wish i can do faster... 3? or 4? more revision papers to go. and not to mention that's just for maths. but oh well, double subject, definitely worthed the hard work.

got back some results. after the physics results some time back, lang arts results came back... and chem skill 3 is still haunting me till now... i know i did well for none of them. really hope that will motivate me to work real hard for the eoys.

i just checked with the school dental van service thingy. they are coming in october. hmm they know we're having exams la, so probably l8r part of october i guess.

probably will do some cip for the sept hols? maybe just one day. orientation...? so that after all the exams and blah blah blah i can dive in to doing it. make use of the hols since i hear year 5's going to be work work work. it's like being demoted from queen bee to worker bee from sec 1 to year 5. you started being slack and.... very slack, then you work work work your brains out. you know.

i think my file is getting disgustingly thick. on a (maybe) lighter note, the day is going to be short tmr. kind of glad that there's actually double maths. hope mr zong will give us some time to do the revision paper. ok, give ME some time. soccer tmr, lazy to move haha. have no fear, i'm the striker that never strikes!

(you're)not the reason for my heart to skip a beat.~

lalala~

2009-08-23T11:06:00.010+08:00

good news, i found a new place to "plant" my charger. hehe now my bro wont keep nagging that i'm occupying his extension power points.

SL. lol i dunno if i'd get in. oh well, getting a form is a start. sometimes i feel like i'm doing things only for the benefits they bring. actually everything brings benefits, really just depends on how we view it. i mean, i dunno if i'm the kind who can get the spiritual satisfaction. still, i'm going to need a sprinkle of faith, a shake of hope and a dash of luck.
the underlying reason why i suddenly want to join is cos i needed "variety"(for uni next time). feels a little unethical. :( but still, who knows, i may get more out of this than i imagined. :)
-

went to wash car with my mother. remind me not to do it again. i feel super tired now! it's like forcing yourself to use strength on top of the aches. the result? same amount of aches but almost no useful work done. i was kind of scammed to go help in the first place la, i thought i just had to bring the stuff down. who knew it would turn into such a long chore(3 hours plus). haiya it was super dirty la. but i feel kind of bad cos i went down then like wipe a bit then lazy to continue. the laziness was partly contributed due to the aches ok. shoulder refers to the muscles next to your neck right. so it's my shoulder joints.... :(

hmm partly also cos i was panicking. i woke up early (0930) today, expected myself to do something constructive so that i wont feel that stressed by the revision papers/assignments/the copying or referencing of work in the mornings. but now since it's 1704, i dun feel like doing anything le. :O

sian. next time i'd buy a small car so that i dun have to wash so much. or i'd earn plenty of money to send it for washing instead. hehehehehe $$$. or maybe i'd get a private jet instead. i'd get 1 chauffeur/pilot, some cleaners and 1 butler/secretary/usher(lol just someone to do the misc planning or appointment-ing things hehe).

till then, i got to work really hard. :O hahaha i think that emoticon looks quite cute too.

all decked for battle

2009-08-22T15:14:00.006+08:00

Find out who you are and do it on purpose.

not so bright :(

2009-08-21T23:16:00.003+08:00

had a kind of draining day today. but i'm pretty proud of myself. definitely can improve more. my service is alot better~ but pt made my arms damn weak when we went to the courts. haiya and sweated like a waterfall too. our cca days will probably be changed from tuesday to wednesday and probably will get another coach! hmm can be a good thing too i suppose.

in need of good music!

wah sian i think i need to find a second cca, something of a different calibre. definitely not performing arts though, i can't sing/perform haha. SL is full liao i think. :( nehhhhh mind la cip can go find de i think. hmmm maybe something intellectual. science society????? :X sian also dunno if i'd get in.

portfolio portfolio~

stifling

2009-08-20T19:04:00.007+08:00

afternoon naps seriously can make me feel better, until i get up. then the headache would strike me as a piercing pain at the side on the head.

anyway had the three tests today. arranged "nicely" in between lessons, so we had them in alternate lessons (lesson, test, lesson, test....). at least mrs lee teo came for the physics lesson. or else i dunno how worse the day can get. well, bio test was ok, or at least i think i did fine. chinese was ok, i forgot one cheng yu. hope summary is ok. :X chem was shit. i had the sneaky idea of stealing back the paper and redoing it. lol which of course can't be executed. but it's really a waste cos i didnt read the instructions properly T_T even though the method i used was quite stupid but at least if i read the instructions properly, the damage could be minimized by so much. lesson learnt - read the instructions properly steph! it's not the first time something like this happened! D:

soccer was fine. we won both matches :D even though i was the striker, i didnt strike anything hahaha. but ok la, eh i helped to kick it near the goal post somehow, for other ppl to kick in somehow too ok. no credit also got hard work lor. hehe. ohhh ya Singapore Dreaming is very nice! :) kind of dread the discussion part tmr though hahaha.

shld probably do geog liao. i realised i didnt bring my development notes home. -.-

i'm starting to like Already Gone more and more! and i like her voice :3 won't get sick of it easily hehe.

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

random

2009-08-19T19:30:00.004+08:00

this is supposed to be de-stressing haha. hope it helps. i have an on-off headache. :(anyway, bio chem chinese test tmr! heard that bio and chem isnt easy. sian. but if we look on the brighter side, mr zong said b4 that if one test is very difficult then the next test will be easier. :D next test would be the eoys!

played soccer today. :) do you know how many goals i could have scored?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!? lokhang too long alr. :( got one almost went in, really, so sad. it was blocked by his leg and the goal post!!!!! hahaha i think violence is needed in the game!

bio has filled my brain. i hope chinese is alr engraved in my memory so that i wont have to revise much. chem is.... a faith thing? have faith mmmhmmm. ok la later got browse through whatever i copied. seriously this term would be ruined by the practicals.

hate thursdays. tmr haiya. 40 mins of physics.... i never felt so depressed cos of physics since mrs lee-teo came back LOL. nvm! 40 mins, very fast one la. at least i know tmr will end on a nicer note - Singapore Dreaming. it's quite interesting actually. ^^

congwan's been sick for two days, so get well soon!!!!! :) it's quieter without you~. i tried getting your germs/virus/illness by sitting on your table but to no avail. -.- haha that was ytd.
-

haiya bio die alr. i have learnt my lesson. shall not take bio anymore. T_T how to survive eoys?!

ten million fireflies

2009-08-18T16:08:00.006+08:00

YTD: tmr is The Day. judgment, fear, anxiety, anticipation and so much more. but it's ok, i know we'd do fine yeah?! :D hairteliser ftw!~~~ i think i'm trying to psycho myself. haha but really, i dun think it's that scary after the run-through with miss lee today. but ya la, miss lee leh, tmr is like.... woahhhh.

haha i think this year i keep talking to people abt our age. since usually i talk abt this kind of things with my as-old-as-me peers(wahahaha), we get the "oh shit how ah, we turning 17 soon!" reaction. and then we will talk abt how 17/18 is supposed to be our “黄金时期”/"young blossoming flower age/something along that line. and then ytd before i slept i had this super crazy thought that i want to 轰轰烈烈地谈恋爱 HAHAHAHAHAHA. ok this is super super crazy, but come to think abt it, that was how i wanted my life to be like when i was young. and now it even further proves that whatever i had thought abt when i was young is totally unrealistic. sorry la i got small social circle only hahaha, the above mentioned chinese words are just..... a passing dream? hahahahahaha.

_.xXXx._

TODAY: cid oral was...................... unexpected. happiness = reality/expectations. really, proven liao. oh well, it's over~ jiu zhe yang suan liao ba.

didnt go for training, was supposed to go for friendly at queenstown sec. but i came home to study bio. anyway, i really really have no confidence in matches now. not in the team but myself. i kept thinking to myself on the way home; if i really train hard and work on my basics, will i really get better and really help the team? why is it that i say i want to work hard this year and stop wasting time, i still do? does things work in such a way that passion -> determination -> breaking boundaries, widening limits -> what you really want in the end? am i going to be an all-talk-no-action person? ultimately i posted so many qns but i dunno the answers. shld i just go for it and hope that trying hard without the appropriate skills will still enable me to make it? or wait and think, and go round in circles without ever getting an answer. really really getting sick of getting nowhere and knowing that you havent reached the ultimate. it's really been a waste. i ought to start the engine and get moving soon.

prove it!

where's the formula to get what you want?

vanilla twilight

2009-08-16T12:39:00.005+08:00

hahaha i just went blog-hopping and chanced upon 4d's class blog. i found it super funny! although there are some parts i dun understand la, i think it's some inside joke. and then there was one post that was like totally hilarious. well, 4e was included in it la, i think they were talking abt the noise level but aiyah nvm la. then the part after the edit was the most funny one! hahahahahaha.

-thinks thinks- is it ok to post the excerpt here? haiya nvm. next time tell you all. :D

The silence isn't so bad,
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.

i think this is a little mushy but it seemed quite nice too. :D i woke up realising i rmb half of the cid script alr woohoo! :D

sundays always make me a little sad. so the song and the blog-hopping made me brighten up by alot. hahaha it's funny how i invest so much time in restaurant city as compared to reading other ppl's blog, yet i get more fun out of the latter.

how many time more?

2009-08-15T14:56:00.015+08:00

ahhhhhh i rmb his name! jae hee!

another great cip. 6 hours woooooh! :D plus cute kids and quite funny stuff. reached school at 6.55 haha not bad. then briefing super long. was the facilator for round 1. quite happy i got that at first cos it seems so much simpler than round 2. aiya but round 2 got tangram can play. stoned for one hour, cos i didnt talk to the marker anyway. then the kids were super enthu and cute. i rmb there's this boy from chong fu primary. keep calling me 'teacher teacher' heheh. then the second grp of kids were like gathering around my table to take the cards.... b4 i say start. hahahaha so enthu lor! and other funny things like 'bomb from the sky', the vulgarities war across the lecture theatre. "fuger" vs "knb"?!

ok need to go memorise script for cid. T_T

i heard this song alot alot alot alot of times. but never took notice of the lyrics before and i just realised it's so good.

Lifehouse - Whatever It Takes
A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better

But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

8)

2009-08-10T10:48:00.013+08:00

i think i'm going to be a mugger soon. as in i want to. at least it can let me feel some sense of security? sian this sounds so...... sian. utterly unwilling to do so. T_T but even my father could tell i was slacking the entire term away. when he points things out it's usually because it's going out of hand. well, he said after all the exams i can play for all i want. yes that shall be my goal. it's the last half of the race. I CAN DO THIS! V(^^)V it's a public holiday right....? quite few ppl online leh. now, let me find a powerpoint to charge my phone.

we are singapore, singaporeans!

2009-08-09T23:36:00.010+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIAHUI!
dear (automatic)time keeper, zhu4 ni3 kuai4 gao1 zhang3 da4! :D
stay pretty and happy always!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!
stay safe!~ and hope we get richer(better economy)!
i quite like today's ndp actually. hahaha, smart ppl are in the west. ^^

the world is truly warming. ironically all the more ppl will turn to air cons/fans. oh what will i do without you?!~

shall study my cheng yu. wo lai le~ sian i can't stop thinking abt cid oral presentation. what if i screw up? actually it will be worse if she targets anyone of us and 'help' us screw things up. -prays-

i just rmb the ndp song i was talking abt for days! together (we make a difference)/ 心连心! why no one rmb? oh chinese version sounds better. :) and so qiao3, it's the ndp song 10 years ago! lol in most of my memory, ndp songs = stefanie sun.

believe

2009-08-08T14:42:00.005+08:00

After reading a friend's post, memories starting to envelop me. I hate the idea that there's power everywhere we go. Actually it isnt the fact that power exists, but more about the problems they bring. Yeah yeah really sucks. Nevertheless, stay strong and all the best! In a way, it's probably a load of your shoulder now, and maybe you can focus more on what you really want instead of what others had wanted you to achieve! \(^^)/

It's so tiring to talk like that. T_T

no way will i soften again.
let's get busy and forget!~

the L word

2009-08-07T17:29:00.008+08:00

i think today was the worst national day celebration ever. but in a way it was fun too haha. mr zong and ms j were not here. :( thought we will stone like hell. but then ms loo came. hahaha it was actually quite fun leh. took photos :) and did some national day quiz thing which was quite fun. no pt!~ thanks kathy! now i know singapore has 63 islands too. :)

i've been thinking. actually i know alot of people for very extremely ultra long. abt half my life alr. yet i dun really know them. as in, i can never ever understand them.

sometimes i think the only person that cares for her(socially) is him, but she doesnt seem to treasure or appreciate that. sometimes i think he is blind too. but he's probably just living up to 'love is blind' or 'love knows no boundaries'. haha humans are just weird la. we know what we shld do but we dun. like saying how we feel, living with no regrets. it's so easy to say all this. maybe for some ppl they really can do it. kind of envy them, cos i know i wont be able to. when we are judging a situation we seem to really know our stuff but when it comes to our turn, will we really do that? perhaps we think we will try, but we can never be sure.

everyone tries to pursuit the happy and perfect life. we know what's wrong(sometimes). we want to change it. but change, isnt that easy to initiate or accept. sometimes we are angry at others for not being able to change because we conveniently forget that it's so hard to remind ourselves of our wrongdoings and to make it right. maybe at times being wrong became a habit, a way of life.

have you ever thought of what you will do if you are living your last day? or rather, have you ever thought of actually doing those things before the last day comes and the last breath takes you away?

i think she sings super well live! :D :D :D :D :D

omg i just rmbed i saw 12:34 today on my hp(and i showed yongen!), and then a few seconds l8r it was 12:35! and then after i saw 12:34 become 12:35 i still went like "aiyo so fast jiu over liao". which means, I MAY HAVE REALLY CHANCED UPON 12:34:56 07/08/09! :) i shld have made a wish!

change

2009-08-06T16:23:00.006+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATHY! :D

i miss pulau semakau! i think it's a really cool place to san4 xing1 or to go when you are sad/depressed/emo.

join me in the dark side! :)

kampong buangkok - back to nature!

may all your dreams come true! :)

shawn's card for kathy was super funny. 64kg worth of fat and crap hahahahahaha and the drawings were quite cute. except that he had to purposely rmb to shade me and only me! and wenli's depiction was hilarious.
-
shun bian upload more photos.

\(^^)/
LOL i think this is cute. almost no one was ready hehe. :)
geog challenge! :D
einahpets and innah!
all hail air-con classrooms~
so fast jiu august le. T_T it means that exams are coming. i dun want this year to end!

have faith, restart!

2009-08-02T20:10:00.005+08:00

i'm going to work hard for my studies and cca. strive for the best!~ yup that's my primary school's motto and that's the only thing abt my primary school that seems the most motivating and inspiring. and yeah, it took my years to realise that. although it sounds cliche, sometimes when you dunno how to work towards something, you just have to put in your 100.00000001 percent into it. you may not get what your want, but most likely you wont get something too bad either.

however, i'm still feeling quite lazy.

sometimes i feel like i'm a spectator of life. i watch, i listen, i comment. i go with the flow, i never stopped to really think abt me/myself/i. as in, what i meant is not that i always help ppl but neglect myself(maybe sometimes unknowingly haha), but maybe it's time i consider what i think is good for me and what i want. i see people working hard for their goals. for some they really do seem like they have one, doctors/lawyers/big time money maker. i need another goal other than getting good results. cos after that then what? you get a piece of paper and hop from job to job? or find a rich guy to marry. :X

sigh.

My heart's too small
To hold so much love
For someone so big
Like you

they say you can love so much that it hurts.

I salute those who can
Still keep their faith
In finding that one person
Who will fit nicely into their hearts

lol i typed another verse, but this is like so depressing. haha dun worry this is not linked to me. i've stopped looking for an answer to a question that never really existed or shld exist anyway.

just like the first

2009-08-01T15:05:00.007+08:00

homework has been put aside(for many hours alr). well i was doing it until my mom asked me to use the com to check stuff. then... havent stopped using it since then. hehe will get back to hw after this post.

oh btw, i dun feel like playing rc alr. ): i mean the game is quite interesting but i'm at my wits end trying to get a good arrangement for the tables while still maintaining my level 50.0 popularity( =more points in lesser time!). the arrival of the need to serve drinks was novel and cool, but it can't withstand time and my annoyance of having to find more ingredients. so my point is, anyone nice enough to help me figure out how to arrange the tables? ... or you can opt to take over my restaurant. i.e. i shall trust you with my facebook account. or not. i dunno la hahaha.

anyway i've been thinking, abt then and now. it irks me that some people can't draw the lines when appropriate. as in, they do so at the wrong times. they dunno when it is wrong or annoying to do something. but at the same time, they love to divide groups of people into smaller groups, or cliques as they say.

ok i feel sick typing alr, shall do hw!
-
although this song doesnt mean so much to me alr, i still think it's really good. kind of dislike the background music at the start but love the lyrics. :D ok this is purely entertainment.

Here With Me - Michelle Branch

It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror
I guess that I was blind
Now my reflection's getting clearer
Now that you're gone things will never be the same again

There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day
You're such a part of me
But I just pulled away
Well, I'm not the same girl
You used to know
I wish I said the words I never showed

I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me

You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart
And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true
But I was scared and left it all behind

I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me

And I'm asking
And I'm wanting you to come back to me
Please?

I never will forget that look upon your face
How you turned away and left without a trace
But I understand that you did what you had to do
And I thank you

I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me

and another. this one has been one of the top favourites since forever~

You Set Me Free - Michelle Branch

Can't you see?
There's a feeling that's come over me
Close my eyes
You're the only one that leaves me completely breathless

No need to wonder why
Sometimes a gift like this you can't deny

'Cause I wanted to fly,
so you gave me your wings
And time held its breath so I could see, yeah
And you set me free

There's a will
There's a way
Sometimes words just can't explain
This is real
I'm afraid
I guess this time there's just no hiding, fighting
You make me restless

You're in my heart
The only light that shines
there in the dark

'Cause I wanted to fly,
so you gave me your wings
And time held its breath so I could see, yeah
And you set me free

When I was alone
You came around
When I was down
You pulled me through
And there's nothing that
I wouldn't do for you

'Cause I wanted to fly,
so you gave me your wings
And time held its breath so I could see, yeah
And you set me free

the only ships that never sink

2009-07-30T21:35:00.004+08:00

friendships. :D

alrighty it's the 500th post!

had a really really weird dream today afternoon. lol yeah afternoon dreams are always the weird ones. well, it's quite a long story for a 2-hour nap. hmm it's both happy and sad one. i dreamt that... jiarong was leaving us, as in migrating. hahahahaha to somewhere really cool (london/somewhere in europe) though. then it's super sad la. i really felt sad in the dream you know! then somehow, me kathy hanni and yongen were living ultra close to each other. like neighbours lor! 2 on each storey LOL, in the same block. then we took 963, stopped at my house de bus stop, but the condos were gone. it was all hdb flats, small but cozy. and the slope was no longer there!~ oh yeah then we emo-ed tgt on the bus and on the way home. hahaha sounds lame la, but i find the living close to each other thing very cool. but the jiarong leaving thing very sad lor. i rmb thinking in my dream that it was so weird w/o her laughter (apparently unstoppable haha) and the wind when she runs past me.

ok the dream is completely fictitious. no one is leaving/living near me in real life. sigh but then when i woke up i rmb that i only got 3 months left with all my friends. as in those in 4e. gonna miss them alot. not just the four of them, alot of others too. katherine yonglim jiahui songyan congwan etc etc. if we are fated to meet we shld make the best out of it. that's why.... we really shld treasure those around us! :) sometimes we just forget those who are constantly involved in our lives.

afternoon dreams. you never know what you got until you say goodbye.

domination

2009-07-28T21:01:00.003+08:00

i want to talk! but i dunno what to say. it's like you need a little person to run around in your mind/heart, know how you think/feel and understand you, and most imptly give you the right advice. the best advice my horoscope gave me was to "do something you have never done before". which is like... errr oh ok.

anyway tarot cards are quite cool leh. :) power struggle... in a way it's true. although at the same time i thought that was damn senseless. and as usual, i have no interest in getting involved. (echoes: at all, at all, at all....) embracing/some other word education, hahaha ok la, i dun hate physics anymore. but at the same time, i seem to be abandoning those subjects i dun plan to continue taking next year. how practical. destiny/future is materialistic :( if i have the money i dun mind being so la, at least i have the means to. hahah still kind of qian4 bian3 la. but if i dun have money and still am materialistic ah, that's double-qian4-bian3! the fool, can be a good thing la, but at the same time embracing folly. :( i got the moon and sun in my readings! :) kathy, let's go read the cards abt other things! :D

yes yes from the number of "at the same time"s you see, it's true that everything comes with a price.

wonders of google

2009-07-26T14:25:00.007+08:00

eh sort of finished my hw, except for those i dunno how to do. so had fun googling for images. wanted to find a wallpaper but in the end went to google for harry potter. actually i think all of them looks good. ya sure emma watson is really really really pretty, but the guys also ok ma hahaha. unless they photoshopped the photo by alot la, which would be very saddening. anyway, second one is emma watson and her brother, so i shun4 bian4 posted it. :)

thankfully but unfortunately, i am not going thru any emotional turmoil, so i dun have much to post and no content for you to make guesses. thus the immense(i think) amount of pictures now.

It was like a flower
That bloomed but at the wrong time
The only solution was to let it wither
And fade into our memory

lo and behold!

2009-07-25T18:47:00.011+08:00

Sacsayhuaman (Peru)

the Moai (Easter Island)

Acropolis of Athens (Greece)

Angkor Wat (Cambodia)

Louvre Pyramid(France)

Taj Mahal (India)

Newgrange (Ireland)

Stonehedge (England)

and many more!

love those at the back especially. :) the louvre pyramid and taj mahal!~ imagine i get a free ticket to travel to all those places la. and of course other places too, for the food and shopping hehehe. $.$ ok la, free tickets to go see the two landmarks is like way too good to be true alr. oh by free tickets i also meant free accommodation and food and transport. haha, so it's a everything included thing lor. i realised the top few and like... rocks, rocks, more rocks. hahaha but it's really cool how they construct things out of rocks. big rocks. and without much machinery. perhaps they discovered some physics theory that is lost along the generations, who knows.

too bad geog doesnt include teaching all this stuff. perhaps it's too much like art/history. like how the structure came about, the breathtaking magnitude of the simple shapes. and not to mention patterns. hoho oh yeah there's Lines of Nazca if you really want to see patterns. in sand somemore! it's damn cool. they are trying to preserve it but due to the changing climates here and there, the 'inscriptions' may be gone after all. it's weird that anyone would make patterns/symbols in sand that can only be appreciated from an aerial view. unless, it wasnt made by anyone. hint hint. nevertheless, it seems interesting. :)

i'm not going to play the 'bot's on facebook anymore. no diff la actually. turns out that whichever 'bot' i do, whenever i choose male/men, it always the same two people. T_T therefore i choose not to believe them hahahahaha. or else, i'll be an aspiring nun lol. \(^^)/

When you go
Would you have the guts to say
"I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday"

muster all your courage. summon all your brawn back.

set setting setted setter

2009-07-24T21:29:00.005+08:00

always have, always will. :)

cca today was fine. cloudy day = good weather!

hmm i thought everything seems so fake. like it's rehearsed, unnatural and predictable. well, the 45 min talk was drowning me, until zhang lao shi came and the cca leaders voting thing started lol, good luck. sometimes i think some people appear with a light behind them or glow around them. hahahahaha cos i really think that in comparison they are so much better than other people. i say this with utmost respect. sometimes you see the other people and they just spell h-e-l-l, or something unearthly. and now i'm thankful that not many people read my blog haha.

anyway, friday!~ \(^o^)/

all this aside, come to think of it, i didnt think i could wait so long for anything before. well, maybe not wait. but not doing anything abt it either.

the 'bot's on facebook is super funny! and inaccurate lor. i will rather become a nun than to let them happen! other than the bridesmaids, friends forever etc kind. the crush and marriage one, i can't stop laughing!!!!!!! it's either i kill myself or get killed if it comes true. or even publish it on the wall lol. eh the results will change one leh! i was checking again cos i forgot who was on the list. got one was incest lor, then now it's not there anymore, what makes you think it can be true. but anyway, i shiver when i think abt it happening. brrrrr.

i keep coming back here to talk. heheheh.

anyway, after much thinking while playing bejeweled blitz... it dawned upon me that waiting is such a painful thing. and so.......... maybe the past shld be left as the past. stop brooding over it. yup yup.

ping ping pang pang pang...

2009-07-23T18:39:00.007+08:00

Thursday, Jul 23rd, 2009 -- You need to be around others today, for it is the engagement in dialogue that allows you to see yourself more clearly. This is not a time for you to set out on your own. But it's tricky, for everyone else has an agenda too. Don't try to explain your goals now; there's already plenty on your plate. And although it's important to socialize these days, don't get lost in someone else's dream until you begin to realize your own.

today is such a tiring day. havent exercised so much since cca ended cos of h1n1. super tired now! played soccer for pe, still ok la lol but i'm quite lousy at it. then after school went to play table tennis! starting was damn noob, but after a while got better! :) played with hanni yongen kathy. i think it was super super fun and funny!

1. the ping1 ping1 pang1 pang1 pang1 song is kind of ominous? hahaha when we(me and kathy) sang it we will keep missing the ball or smth. then she reversed the lyrics ,aka pang pang ping ping ping, we got better! LOLOLOLOL.

2. crapped alot throughout. things like
'how abt we moonwalk while we play?!' and of course that turned out quite... hilarious.
'the way we fan ourselves make us look like shao4 nai3 nai3-s. maybe now fan with table tennis racket, next time can really fan with a real fan!' hahahaha super crap.
'eh eh we imitate the olympics players! -bounce ball on table, blow the ball, be serious, serve!-' then the ball didnt get over haha.
'handicapped table tennis' i ended up looking quite stupid. but it was a good rest for the legs la.
'eh you know hor, elderly ppl play table tennis, the ball can bounce twice one leh!!!' which is of course not true la, but the reaction i got was really funny. heheh first time so successful in tricking ppl.
hahahhahah probably still got more, but can't rmb.

3. hanni and yongen left early so the two of us continued and kept saying 'one more la one more la' and sounded like the do-not-gamble commercial. went home tgt hahahaha we were walking up the slope halfway when suddenly both of us stopped. 'eh i can sit down here now lor.' 'ya lor ya lor'. great minds think alike! :)

today was really fun. i can't believe 3 more months i wont be going back to the classroom every morning. getting weird reactions when they see me early in the morning. going recess with them. calling the same person for the time everytime. laughing at weird comments from the other side and at the lame jokes the teachers make. always getting help from the always-so-reliable-ppl. i used to really dislike the class, hmm can't say i love them la, but perhaps all these bits and pieces of daily things is what made up my life in the class, and maybe when you get used to such things you find them rather impt after all.

cca tmr~

when the clouds have all departed

2009-07-22T20:36:00.003+08:00

couldnt see my eclipse today = couldnt play soccer/eat under the eclipse. sigh rainy day. on a lighter note, there was effectively only 2 lessons today, maths and chem.

second last pic is what ms j showed us, i just happened to see it while googling images. then i also found the last pic. i find it awesomely cute awwww~

wanted to find photos of the places i want to go, but i forgot the names. hahaha if i can travel, it'd be damn costly. hahahahahaha i want to travel! ^^

\(^0^)/ for you i cheer.

2009-07-21T22:33:00.005+08:00

actually had no intention to come back here, at least for today. but due to certain -ahem- unknown reasons, a mysterious force drew me back.

anyway, this is a really old song, 11 years ago? you can have a p5 kid you know. happened to hear it on aol radio. the lyrics are nice, and the chorus is nice. :) but basically she doesnt do alot in the video la.

eclipse tmr! imagine playing soccer and eating under the eclipse~ yes it's from pe to the end of break(8.40 - 9.40). during mid autumn festival you shang3 yue4, during a solar eclipse you shang3 tai4 yang2. :) too bad it's only going to be partial(10%) solar eclipse.

phy test tmr, bio prac test tmr tmr. may the sun/solar/eclipse god bless us. ^^ hahah jk.
all the best, you hear?

outdo yourself

2009-07-21T17:00:00.002+08:00

this is so tiring, it's only tuesday?!

sigh didnt go cca, um peer pressure? in a way, and of course certain selfish reasons too. lol but i dun feel like studying physics. tell me there isnt alot to study... actually i understand the stuff, but kind of worried that i dunno how to put the explainations into words or miss out certain words. sighhhhhhh i dun want to take bio alr(next year). but phy seems to be kind of burdening too. -crushes-

today alot of ppl i know are talking abt stepping down, voting, no more cca etc etc. haha how time flies. kind of envy them though, the no cca part. i wouldnt mind cca... if it's indoors and i can slide with ease(physically and mentally haha). i kind of miss the feeling of knowing you outdid yourself, which is probably a million years ago or smth. :( but anyway, fri shall be a good day for cca, no more tests! at least on saturday la~

i think i'm going to fall asleep soon...

i keep thinking today is wednesday. oh ya it's racial harmony day~ mr zong looks cute in the malay costume(as he calls it) lol. aladdin's monkey was hahahahaha funny. come to think of it, more than half a year has passed. how time flies! i can still rmb the first day of school, everyone was complaining abt the new uniform and the broken air-con.

wonders what is happening during cca now.

oh yeah met esther and junhao on the bus. didnt really get suan-ed hahaha. anyway the conversations was really funny. talked abt stepping down, ponning cca(dunno who also hor), corruption, leaders, onion rings... actually our school kind of has a hierarchy too. or social pyramid? ah and plenty of ironic things in school. it's endless.

ok go mug phy.

i wanna know you

2009-07-19T13:04:00.002+08:00

although there's miley cyrus, there's also david archuleta heheheheheheh~ :) thought the song wasnt too bad.

this isnt the official music video, but aiya got him inside la hahaha. i think this song is so-so, the chorus sounds a little techo. but his voice seems to compensate for it. :) i think this song can remix lor.

android love

2009-07-18T13:17:00.002+08:00

-yawns- heheh it's a continuation of the day from the previous post. :)

i forgot to mention that i finished absolute bf(sorry la now then read hehehe). although i think the flow of the story was a little weird cos all the best parts and twists came in the last 4 or 5 chapters of the total 33 chapters. nevertheless, who can resist the kind of shuai-and-very-very-sweet people in these story lines! lol i used to think it was nuts to think people in mangas are shuai cos they are drawings after all... but i guess it's also a kind depiction that stimulates your imagination alot. anyway, soushi soushi! :) aiya i didnt watch the show(but i know the story line is different), so dun come and tell me he's not shuai in the show.

blots and smudges

2009-07-18T00:24:00.002+08:00

hmm 12.25am.

starting to feel tired. at least did some cid today(technically yesterday). yongen and kathy came to my house, ate cup noodles, then did the chart, edited the report. looks so much longer now hehe. but dunno if the experiment will work leh. oh yeah then talked to songyan, lol we were grabbing each other(actually kathy only la) at the keyboard. money plants in my house now, money come money come~ :)

oooh yeah 5-dollars-for-5-days! pretty sucessful. now for the pai2 hang2 bang3.... -drums rolls-

coming in third place, me myself heheh, with a total expenditure of 4.70!
coming in second place, kathy ong, with a total expenditure of 4.60! eh she brought food lor.
coming in first place, yong en, with a total expenditure of less than 4.60! ps i can't rmb the exact amount -.- i rmb just now! haha but she brought food too. i'm the most fair one. :D
you know competitions/events always got distinctions and merit/participation one right. hahaha jiarong ah... participation la. :)
and hanni! for being the most loyal and only spectator of this event! :)

i feel so lame now hahahahha.

but then we didnt save cos we dieting or anything, we had balanced meals lor! just save up and have fun la. some ppl want to buy house(lol), some ppl want to watch movie heheh. :)

a living distraction

2009-07-15T18:52:00.005+08:00

The Script - Break Even

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no

What am I suppose to do
When the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no

What am I gonna do
When the best part of me was always you
And what am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One's still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh
'Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break
No it don't break, no it don't breakeven, no

What am I gonna do
When the best part of me was always you
And what am I supposed to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One's still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven)

Oh, it don't breakeven, no
Oh, it don't breakeven, no
Oh, it don't breakeven, no

haha love the song. :D

tmr's going to be a long day. i dread thursdays on the new timetable. pe makes the rest of the day tiring, early recess makes the rest of the lessons break-less, more one-hour-lessons make my life miserable.

oh well, at least i finished phy prac today so tmr shall be ending all academic activities at 2pm sharp. :) talking abt phy prac, i did alot of stupid things. alot alot alot. damn lucky that prac test is over alr. after heating the water for 5 mins, i was rushing to pour the water into the measuring cylinder, then read the volume reading, then poured it away, and conveniently forgot to take the temperature. then while doing the calculations, i asked yongen what was the units for specific heat capacity/smth like that, then answered my own qn, with the wrong ans - grams per mole. ownage. btw i think it's kind of hard to draw circuit diagrams.

ahh yeah, felt very awkward today too.

anyway, i think i can collect money(kaching kaching bling bling bling) soon!~ $.$

who knows

2009-07-13T21:08:00.003+08:00

had a kind of weird and unlucky but still happy day. it's like pluses and minuses and the pluses outweigh the minuses by alot, just that the pluses are... i dun really know either, hahaha but i feel happy when i'm with the people around me. :) didnt really think that this sort of thing would actually brighten up a monday or any particular day. but truth is, it can. :) oooh and the fact that we didnt have hw today, it's a giant plus.

sometimes i think that it's only now that i really felt so free and oriented towards something. hmm it's quite lifeless la, to get good grades and live happily. simple, but definitely not easy! it's like, for a very long time, i could finally feel like i'm not bounded by anything. well, almost. restrictions and boundaries are everywhere, but usually i think i can live with it. hmm how shld i put this. it's like being able to laugh for no good reason for ages and still think it's funny over a period of time, without feeling weird after that. although it may seem so childish and immature, you know there's really nothing wrong with that. you just have to act appropriately when you really have to.

last year felt so horrible. even thinking of it makes me cringe. although it may seem like i had everything, nothing was really tangible. everything was like a bubble, pretty, never seem to last long and (almost)worthless. and i think i could emo the 365 days away easily. this year, didnt really have anything(woohoo!), but it also meant i didnt have anything to block my vision anymore. nothing to hold me down, or stop me from feeling whatever i wanted to. everything's clearer. what i want to be and how i shld do it. maybe sometimes all we need is the basic instincts, some wits and air to breathe(plus food and water).

i look back into my archives sometimes. haha i think i changed. i can't really decide whether it's for better or for worse. whatever moment you are in, it will seem like you have alr considered every single aspect of your life. probably thought things through, and felt that you are the most rational person. yet as time goes by, our mindset and vision just gets bigger. and we realise how much we really dunno. and then when you look back, sometimes whatever you said or did seemed so.... funny, you can't believe you actually did it.

deleted smses today cos the memory was full. i dunno why but i actually felt a little sad when i deleted them. hahaha there wasnt anything special inside!

oh man, am i going to die. lol, why the post today so scary.

surrendering hearts

2009-07-12T12:30:00.004+08:00

at least it seems better now...

but i'm starting to have issues on my own. but it's ok la. usually mine are minor stuff which i seek by myself, and well, cause trouble for myself. and so, are those i can solve myself.
-
sigh. my deepest condolences.

peter pan

2009-07-11T19:42:00.004+08:00

i'm upset and angry over the whole drama-saga on elearning day. hmm how shld i put this, it's the works of irresponsible immature unreasonable adults. i've almost never been like that. cos this time, the reason is not me. i did not think of something and become emo or whatever. it was... due to unforeseen circumstances. which makes me damn angry cos this could be easily avoided, and i really think they shldnt have caused misery to others. it's selfish!

after sadness comes the anger.

they say friends double your happiness and half your misery. yeah. sometimes we need an ear or advice from someone you can trust and is not involved afterall.

sucker

2009-07-11T10:21:00.005+08:00

horrible. terrible.

i dun get adults. baka baka baka.
everything you need to know in life, you learnt it in kindergarten.

adults are blind.
they fail to see their own flaws and mistakes.

adults are heartless too.
cos they dunno how it feels like to be hurt.

adults knows nothing abt repulsion.
since you hate each other and can't stand each other, why not just stay away from each other. like magnets! mrs lee-teo jiao4 dao3 you3 fang1. and social distancing! adults invented that but somehow some adults dun get it or use it when necessary.

adults are liars.
they teach us things that they never ever do themselves. what is called jian4 si3 bu4 jiu4, ge2 an4 guan1 huo3. i never did that. yet... hao3 xin1 mei2 hao3 bao4.

adults = those at home = almost everyone but me.
if i ever become like that, slap me. but you wont have that chance. cos i'd never be.

for once, i can't wait to go back to school.

the worst thing to do in life is to be a burden. and no, i'm not saying commiting suicide is a solution either. commiting suicide = need ppl to clear up your body, find your identity, find your family -cringe- + cause more trouble, sadness and anguish to those who really cared. if something's a burden to you, or you feel that you are to someone, talk abt it! you are not borned with a mouth for nothing. if someone had alr made your past dunno how many years miserable, why shld you make it anymore worse. all the more you shld make it better since the past can't be changed.

dun worry, i wont be foolish.

jing4 tui4 liang3 nan2

2009-07-10T20:34:00.003+08:00

they say love conquers all.

losing faith,
losing faith,
losing faith,
losing faith,
losing faith,
losing faith,

in everything.

don't cry, i say. strength, rmb?

but even strength has it's weakest points. like not having a dark corner to hide, not having an extra shoulder, just for you to cry.

that's why, don't cry.

maybe, sub-consciously, past 16 years was right.

sparks

2009-07-09T20:03:00.006+08:00

was supposed to type a meaningful and inspiring post but the atmosphere and mood isnt right. can only do this kind of things when i'm emo. which is like, last last year haha. come to think of it, changes happen so much and so often but we dun always take note of it until a long long time later. emo to un-emo, short hair to long hair to short hair to long hair, white to black, fair to tanned, noobie to not-so-noobie, short to taller-than-short. that was me la haha.

you know, sometimes i really dread growing up. partly cos of the process, partly cos i keep having the idea that i'm going to die soon. -.- i know i know. but growing up seems to be entering the great unknown. in the past, your life is almost always planned. and then now, you got to make decisions, be a grown up, everything becomes DIY, you deal with things as they drown you. basically, it's like learning to swim in a pool of.... i dunno, maturity? it's strange that you live for 16 years, learn the so-called basics(eating, cleaning up yourself etc), and then NOW you start to... make your dreams tangible? i sound like i lived the past 16 years in waste. yes.... and no. i made wrong decisions, mistakes, regrets and all. but i think the only thing i really think was worthed out of all these years is knowing the people i know. :)

haha i sound like i wrote a reflection of the past 16 years, and i sound like i'm going to die. i shldnt say past 16 years, really sound like i'm going to leave. shld say, the first 16 years.

i think today is fun, in a very very odd way. ran 3 rounds, played soccer for pe. then lessons until i want to rot. then did cid. our green beans died cos of our fertilizer. ): but it's ok! we are only experimenting~ then went to vivo, then back home, crapped alot alot alot haha. :)

some things, you can't really get out of your mind.

equivalent trade

2009-07-06T17:04:00.007+08:00

i realised the imptance of physics ytd. when i opened the refrigerator door ytd, a bottle of peanut butter fell and slammed into my toe. then there was alot of pain and a bit of blood la. the point is, we shld never forget newton and intertia. i have no idea what speed that bottle of peanut butter fell, but given f = ma, and the bottle was still quite full, the m must be quite big zzz. -.- so the f must be big too. luckily we finished the jumbo bottle. the best part of all this? i was the one who put the bottle of peanut butter at the door.

watching Fullmetal Alchemist(the 1st anime) and Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood. i like both la actually. the second one is easier to follow i think, cos it has less flashbacks. but then again, if you never read the manga, the first one would seem pretty good too. :) oh ya i think the movie is the best! i didnt watch them in order la, but i find them all good. and i havent finish bakuman and zombie loan. i'm really in the holiday mood now hahahahaha.

sometimes i think living life in fiction is so so so so much better.

oh ya Hilary Duff's going to join the cast in Gossip Girl season 3. it's kind of weird. disney girl + evil schemes = season 3. but anyway, i quite look forward to it. :)